Maybe Tomorrow
by singsongsung
Summary: After the disastrous results of Lucas' proposal, a freak accident gives Peyton a second chance at the future she never got to tell him she wanted.
1. I've Been Down Part I

**A/N:** I'm sure that this storyline has been done countless times, different variations. But I wanted to try it out because it was actually my first idea ever for an OTH fic, so here it is. It may seem ridiculous that I'm starting something else, but I'm going to try my hardest to dedicate equal amounts of time to each of my stories.

The title and the chapter titles for this story come from the song of the same name by Stereophonics - the soundtrack to one of the best L/P moments ever. Let me know if you'd like to read more!

**01. I've Been Down** **- Part I**

Peyton dropped her purse on the floor, locked her door, and made her way to her couch. She collapsed there, resting her head on a cushion. Her apartment was small and unimpressive – working in the mailroom at a major record label didn't exactly provide her with an amazing paycheck.

But that was okay. Despite her meager pay and her fairly crappy job, she'd been happy.

Or maybe that was a lie. Every time she talked to Haley, she got an ache in the pit of her stomach that she couldn't shake for hours afterward. Haley and Nathan just seemed so happy. Nathan was on his way to playing big time basketball, Haley was acing college classes, and they had a baby boy that they adored so deeply that there weren't any words for it.

She hadn't talked to Brooke in quite a while. They were still the best of friends, but time and distance had taken their toll, and every time she spoke to Brooke the young designer had new plans and new friends and new celebrities she was apparently dating. Brooke sounded lonely sometimes, but at least she had something to show for her loneliness.

All Peyton had to show for _her_ loneliness was the asshole in room thirteen on the fourth floor who could never choose what kind of sandwich he wanted, where he wanted it from, or what time he wanted to eat, a boss who let her sit in on meetings if he caught sight of her on a day her shirt was low cut or her skirt was short…and letters and e-mails from the boy she loved.

She missed her friends – they were, for all intents and purposes, her family. Sometimes she missed Lucas so much her heart hurt. But her friends were moving on and achieving success, no matter how many roadblocks they encountered. Peyton needed to do the same thing before she could come to peace with herself and settle down.

So far, she was failing miserably.

Just hours ago, she'd flown into Lucas' arms, the warmth of his embrace. He'd kissed her and tried to tell her that she was better than all of this – she loved him for assuring her of that fact, but she needed to find her own proof.

When he showed up to surprise her, she'd expected it to be the ideal weekend. A blip of happiness on the monotony of her life, here in this city that so many people dreamed of. The reality was rough.

She made him a mix. Lucas was good with words; he sent her e-mails and letters scrawled quickly when he had the time, and they made her blush and cry and laugh and miss him that much more. She didn't have the same talent with language; she had to let her music speak for her.

The newest band her label – rather, the label she worked for – was planning on signing was amazing, and something about the music touched her. She could remember the day, the moment she'd heard those songs for the first time, and her first thought had been of Luke.

She felt a renewed sense of hope as she arranged the songs in the order that would create the best effect and flow easily. These songs really spoke to her love for him, and she hoped he'd be able to hear that. She wrote _Songs to Make You Think of Me_ on the disc before she placed it in a case, and she had a feeling that those songs, just because of the way they seemed to voice everything she couldn't, would remain important to them forever. She could hear them playing softly on repeat as Lucas laid her down on his bed, kissing that one spot on his neck that he knew could drive her crazy. There was one song that she couldn't help but think she could even walk down the aisle to. Another, she could almost picture herself singing to her baby, _their_ baby, sitting on the porch under the stars on a quiet night in their hometown.

To Peyton, those moments were part of her future. She was nineteen. She had yet to change the world in any way. Moving in together, marriage, children…that seemed like a perfectly logical sequence of events, and she _wanted_ that…just not yet.

The fact that Lucas had gotten the two of them a hotel room did not set off any alarm bells in her head. Lucas was a romantic; he did sweet things like that, things to make her feel special. It never occurred to her, when she walked into that room hours after she promised him she'd be there, that she would see her boyfriend sprawled out across the bed, sound asleep…and a jewellery box sitting on the floor just below his hand.

She had panicked at the sight of it. She was _nineteen_. She had proposed to a boy once already, a year before. As much as she had loved Jake, the best thing he had ever done for her was to send her away. She was sure that she would have been happy, settling into life with Jake and his adorable little girl, but she knew that she would have had regrets, and that sooner or later those regrets would have served as the death sentence for her relationship.

Lucas Scott was the love of her life; she didn't doubt that fact for one moment. She had found her soul mate. But she hadn't yet done everything that she wanted to. She hadn't yet done _anything_ that she wanted to. She was still a teenager, and she had yet to find herself. Part of her belonged with Lucas, but the other part of her was lost and still unsure.

She loved Luke, but she couldn't marry him, not yet. As she sat in the chair in the corner, staring down at that little box, she kept thinking about how _much_ she loved him. More than she could ever express. And then she would think that maybe they could get married. Loving him as much as she did, it certainly wasn't an unappealing option.

But then she would remember that this was different. Had she married Jake, she would have had her regrets, and that would have torn them apart. Losing him would have been heartbreaking, but not the end of the world. He wasn't the man she was meant to spend the rest of her life with.

Lucas _was_. He was her forever, and she refused to do this. If she married him too soon, they would eventually come to resent each other…and she couldn't live with that. Losing Jake would've broken her, but losing Lucas would destroy her.

She had a speech prepared, just as he probably did. She would explain all of this to him rationally, promise him that she loved him, and tell him that he should just wait one more year, and then she wouldn't hesitate to say yes, not for a second.

But when he woke up, looking lost as he blinked, his eyes frantically searching for the ring, she forgot everything she meant to say and the way she meant to say it. All she could think was that she loved him.

She tried not to let him speak, because she knew that if he did, she'd be a goner. He forged on anyway, and when he said _as long as I have you, nothing else matters_, "yes" was on the tip of her tongue. So she moved away from him, stood up, and attempted to be mature and logical. Her prepared arguments tumbled out of her mouth in a panicked mess as she tried to explain to them that she needed more time, that it would be best for both of them, that in another year this would be a perfect moment.

It didn't work that easily. He wanted her close to him, with him for good, and her arguments just weren't working. She'd hurt him, and she could see it in his eyes as he incredulously commented _you're saying no_. She wasn't saying no, she really wasn't, but he wouldn't see it any other way.

And when he wouldn't listen to her, pulled away from her, closed himself off in a way she recognized all too well – she'd done it countless times herself – her panic reached a whole new level as she realized everything she'd said to keep him was backfiring on her, and she was losing him anyway.

When she pleaded with him, asking him to forget this moment and remember how much he loved her, he shook his head and basically told her that this was goodbye.

That just seemed so ridiculous to her. They loved one another. They were meant to be, they'd been through so much to get there. So she shook her head and cuddled into him, whispering about dreams and love. She fell asleep easily; it was late, and it had never been hard for her to fall asleep tucked into the security of Lucas' arms.

She woke up and he was gone, leaving nothing but the CD she'd taken so much time in preparing for him, the CD she wanted him to listen to in order to understand just how much she both loved and missed him.

She had regrets, alright. She regretted that she'd put the possibility of regrets over the one person she loved more than anything else in the world. He'd broken up with her without saying a world, abandoned their future by walking out that door.

The day had been hard for her. She'd wandered out of the hotel in the same clothes she'd been wearing for twenty-four hours. She'd been conflicted. She hadn't wanted to leave the room where Lucas Scott had last loved her. But she also wanted to get the hell away from the place where he had stopped.

Work had taken its toll. The ass of a man in 4-13 changed his lunch order no fewer than five times, and she'd had to run out twice to retrieve his specific sandwich and coffee choices. Every time he snapped at her she wanted to burst into tears, thinking about the fact that she could be on a plane wrapped up in Lucas' arms at this very moment. She worked three hours overtime when her job was threatened, and at the end of the day she collapsed in a ball in the mailroom, breathing hard to keep from crying as she stared at the spot where Lucas had lifted her off the ground and kissed her so perfectly the day before.

At home, she felt like she'd lost everything. Curled up on her cheap couch in her ugly apartment, tears pricked at her eyes yet again, and for the first time she actually allowed them to fall. She thought about calling him, but didn't know what to say. She had thought that her future with Lucas was guaranteed, and she hated herself for having been that stupid.

Hugging her pillow, she cried hard, unable to catch her breath. She hadn't sobbed so much since her both of her mothers' deaths, and maybe that was stupid, but she would never have another mother, just like she'd never have another guy she loved the way she loved Lucas. She'd ended up with two moms that she loved with all her heart, but she knew that she'd never have another Luke.

She fell asleep mid-sob on her couch, curled up vulnerably in her small apartment. She woke up screaming once, unsure of what she'd dreamed. She chugged a glass of water and managed to drift off into another restless slumber.

Businesslike knocking on her door woke her up again at five in the morning. She fully intended to ignore it, but whoever stood on the other side of her door refused to let up. As Peyton stood, frowning, to go answer it, she realized that she'd been wearing the same clothes for two days. Too bad for the person at the door. She couldn't have cared less about her personal appearance. She didn't have anyone to look good for.

She opened the door to find Brooke staring back at her, tears shining in her pretty brown eyes.

"Brooke?" she rasped out in confusion, her throat thick with the remnants of tears.

"Oh, honey," Brooke, who was dressed to the nines but clearly sad, said right before she wrapped Peyton up in a bone-crushing hug.

Peyton didn't understand what was happening. Had Lucas called Brooke, asked her to check up on her? Had he called _Peyton's_ best friend to whine about their breakup, prompting Brooke to seek her out?

"I'm glad to see you, B. Davis," Peyton sighed into Brooke's shoulder. "But…why are you here? Shouldn't you be in New York right now, making millions?"

Brooke waved her hand dismissively. "Screw the company. Oh, Peyt…" She shook her head, the tears in her eyes reflecting the soft morning light that had filtered through Peyton's thin curtains.

Peyton squinted at her in confusion. "I don't understand. Did Lucas call you?"

Brooke looked alarmed, as though she was worried that Peyton might be losing her mind. "Lucas? What do you mean?"

Peyton frowned deeply. "Did Lucas call you and tell you that we broke up?" she asked directly, not able to understand why that seemed to puzzle Brooke. Maybe it was just too early in the morning for any of this.

The brunette's jaw dropped and a fresh batch of tears filled her eyes. "Oh, babe," she whispered, bringing one of her hands to her mouth. She placed her other hand on Peyton's back and led her to the couch that had served as Peyton's bed for the previous night.

"What's going on?" Peyton asked, bewildered and heartbroken.

"Take a breath, okay?" Brooke requested shakily. She took both of Peyton's hands in her own and squeezed supportively. "I guess…Haley didn't call you. Lucas…was in an accident, honey. It's bad. Really bad."


	2. I've Been Down Part II

**A/N:** Just so you know, I'm horrible in the sense that I rarely read over by own work, and writing **Aftertaste** in present tense is really messing with my head. So if I got my verb tenses confused at any point, I'm sorry, and that would be why. Read and review, please.

**02. I've Been Down – Part II**

Her heart stopped beating for a moment. "_How _bad?" she asked in a trembling whisper. The last time Brooke had said those exact words to her, Lucas had almost died.

Brooke squeezed her hands supportively. "I really don't know. I was having my monthly chat with Naley –" Peyton nodded her acknowledgement; though both she and Brooke did their best to keep in touch with their friends at home as often as they could, Haley had scheduled them both in for monthly phone calls that they were not allowed to miss under any circumstances, "- and Haley got a call on the other line, it was the hospital and…I thought _someone _would have called you, and I just…I figured you might need some help getting to Tree Hill."

Peyton bit down on her lower lip and Brooke lifted a finger, running the back of it gently down Peyton's cheek to brush away her tears. She sighed. "Ease up on your lip, honey," she ordered gently, "You're bleeding."

She pulled her teeth back and sucked in some air.

"Will you please talk to me?" Brooke studied Peyton worriedly. She was stunned that Lucas and Peyton had broken up, and could not for the life of her understand why, but she knew better than to question it right now. She fished through her purse for a tissue, which she handed to Peyton so that she could wipe the blood off of her lip.

Peyton accepted the tissue gratefully and dabbed at her lip. She held out her hand again, and Brooke grasped it instantly. Peyton had to blink a couple times before her best friend's face swam into focus. She squeezed Brooke's hand back and asked, her voice raw, "You still want to help me get there?"

Brooke smiled gently. "Of course I do."

-x-

Brooke managed to keep her cool as she helped Peyton back and purchased last-minute plane tickets. She'd never been good in a crisis, and she was insanely worried about Lucas, but she knew that Peyton would fall apart if she didn't work to hold her together.

Peyton looked so sick and anxious on the plane that a flight attendant asked her if she was afraid of flying. As he spoke, his eyes were concerned, but he flashed her a flirtatious smile that made her want to slap him. She wanted to scream at him that she'd just inadvertently broken the heart of the boy she loved, and that said boy was possibly on his deathbed. Instead, she let Brooke place a protective hand on her shoulder and answer for her: "Family drama. She'll be fine."

They'd been in the air for a little over two hours when Peyton finally spoke and Brooke let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding.

"I didn't mean it," Peyton whispered, staring out the window at the fluffy clouds.

"What, sweetie?"

Peyton shut her eyes. She wanted to tell Brooke everything that had happened, but at the same time didn't want to see her friend's reaction. She had massacred the most important relationship she had. She felt guilty enough already without having to witness someone else's judgment. "Losing him from my life is one thing," she mumbled, "but I can't…I can't _lose_ him."

Brooke pressed her lips together until they turned white. "Luke would do everything in his power not to leave you, Peyton."

"But he _did_ leave me, he –" Peyton clammed up abruptly, shaking her head and looking back out the window.

Her friend heaved another sigh. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

Peyton breath came out in gasps. She was crying without really realizing it. "I ruined it," she wept.

"No," Brooke insisted soothingly. "You didn't."

"He hates me," she choked out. She was hurting and tired and trapped on a plane, and she couldn't sort out her thoughts anymore. "He's going to die hating me."

"Shh," Brooke whispered. This was the problem with emergencies that required travel. Even in first class, it was impossible to get any privacy, and Peyton was nearing the point of hysteria. Brooke briefly considered dragging her friend into the bathroom, but that would put them in uncomfortably close quarters – which couldn't be good for Peyton, who was having trouble breathing – and on the whole would only serve as a fantasy for that stupidly flirtatious flight attendant, so Brooke nixed that idea.

Instead, all she said was, "I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I _know_ that Lucas loves you."

"You didn't…see his _face_. I broke his heart."

The flight attendant redeemed himself at that moment by appearing by them with a cup of water and some tissues. "_Thank you_," Brooke mouthed, accepting both.

"He hates me," Peyton said through her sobs, burying her face in her hands.

"No, honey…listen to me. Lucas is going to be okay. And no matter what happened, when he opens his eyes, he's going to want to see you there."

The only response she got from Peyton was a series of strangled sobs.

"Come here," Brooke whispered, pulling Peyton toward her until the blonde's head rested against her shoulder. "Try and get some sleep, okay? It'll be a while before we get there."

-x-

Nathan was waiting for them at the airport, his expression sombre. When he saw the two of them, he smiled, but it was half-hearted.

He opened his arms for Peyton, who dove into his embrace gratefully. Brooke made eye contact with him over Peyton's head, silently asking how bad it was.

He hugged Peyton a little closer, unable to maintain eye contact with Brooke. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so protective of her. Maybe this was how Lucas felt twenty-four seven.

"He's fighting hard. I'm sure that, with you here, he won't be able to resist waking up much longer."

Peyton burst into tears, yet again, but hastily wiped out her eyes; she had no patience for her own weeping. "What _happened_?

"We don't really know yet. I'll take you over there now, Haley's waiting."

She pulled away, but his hands caught hold of her wrists. "I can't go there, not yet."

"He needs you, honey," Brooke inputted quietly. "I know how much you love him, and I right now you need to show him that."

In the backseat of the Scott SUV, Peyton pulled the CD she'd made for Lucas out from her purse and stared down at her optimistic handwriting, the writing of a girl in love.

Brooke turned in the front seat to look at her, shooting her a supportive smile. She'd needed the brief moment of privacy she'd gotten, sitting in the front seat without Peyton's eyes on her. Now that she'd shed a couple of her own tears, touched up her mascara, and collected herself, she could turn to see how her friend was doing. "Where's your head, P. Sawyer?"

Peyton smiled down at the CD she held, her expression contemplative. "Just wondering if there's a CD player in the hospital."

The brunette's dimples appeared for a moment. "I'll find ya one."

-x-

Haley was waiting alone at the hospital, having left her a baby boy with a helpful neighbour hours ago. She wanted to call again to check up on him, but she knew her constant calls were only more of a burden.

She chewed on her thumbnail nervously. She'd broken the bad habit of nail-biting when she was eleven years old, and she hadn't started again since. But if there was ever a time that she needed a vice, it was now.

Lucas' life was hanging in the balance…_again_. Lucas was not allowed any more car crashes or heart attack, because it nearly killed Haley to worry so much about him.

It was then that she caught sight of her husband walking toward her. She stopped knowing on her nail as her body was flooded with relief.

Brooke and Peyton were a single step behind him, keeping close to one another but not touching. Their expressions were exact opposites. Brooke appeared stubbornly calm, and Peyton was clearly trying not to cry.

"Hey," Haley greeted as she stood up. She didn't know who to hug first, so they ended up in a group hug, a comforting tangle of arms.

"What are the doctors saying?" Peyton demanded after a moment of silent understanding passed, her tortured green eyes searching Haley's.

Haley left on hand resting on Peyton's back and reached out with the other to grasp her husband's hand. "It's not so good. But they're hoping he'll wake up in the next couple of days."

Brooke cleared her throat. "And…if he doesn't?"

Nathan and Haley exchanged a helplessly troubled look. Brooke shook her head. "Never mind. We don't even need to think about it. He'll wake up."

After a brief, almost awkward silence, Nathan spoke up. "You guys are going to stay with us…of course. We can go home now, you two can have something to eat, get some sleep."

"Can I see him first?" Peyton piped up. The Intensive Care Unit was sombre and stifling. She wanted to rescue Lucas, but of course she couldn't, because this was the place that was supposed to heal him. At the very least, she wanted to be near him, as though she could protect him in some way, help his recovery.

Haley hesitated. "He doesn't look very good, honey."

"Of course he doesn't," Peyton snapped, surprised by her own animosity. "Look at where he is!"

Nathan's arm wrapped around her waist, suddenly and tightly, as though he was trying to ground her. "Peyton. It'll scare you."

She shrugged shakily. "I have to see him."

Haley still looked upset by that thought. "Maybe –"

"Haley," Peyton cut her off. "He'd do it for me, and you know that's the truth."

None of her friends could deny that, but they all exchanged hesitant looks.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Brooke finally offered softly.

Peyton shook her head, her eyes scanning their surroundings. "It's okay. I'll be…I'll be fine. It's not like I haven't done this before," she added with what was meant to be a smile but appeared with much more bitterness ingrained within it.

"Honey…" Brooke reached out to grab her hand. "It's not going to be like that this time."

Her eyes flooded at those words. Brooke had said the same thing to her the last time Lucas was in the same position, gently reminding her that not everyone she loved left. Still, Peyton couldn't help but wonder when those reassuring words would wear out their welcome.

Haley placed her hand lightly on Peyton's shoulder and pointed down the hall. "That's his room. They'll only let you in for five minutes. We'll be right here."

"Okay," she whispered, and giving Brooke's hand one last squeeze, she walked away.

-x-

Lucas' room was bright white and packed with so much machinery that it frightened her. She took a moment to study the screen that displayed numbers and lines, blood pressure, heart rate, and who knows what else.

He looked sick and small in the bed, his skin tinged with gray, so different from the protective, masculine stance he usually adopted around her.

He wasn't in any shape to save her, not now.

She sat down in the chair at his side, trying to keep her breathing steady and even. She leaned forward, clasping his cold, clammy fingers in her hand. Unable to stop herself, she moved her fingers to the inner part of his wrist, and a burst of air rushed from her lungs when she felt a pulse. She bent her head, resting her forehead on the bed right next to his hand for a moment, waiting for her heart to slow down.

With a shuddering breath, she sat back up and gazed at his face. "Is this my fault?" she whispered. "Were you upset, were you not watching the road?" She choked on something that might have been a laugh but was really more of a sob. "God, I am so _sick_ of seeing you in goddamn hospital bed."

She clasped his hand in both of her own, rubbing it lightly in an attempt to warm his skin. "Listen, Lucas…you can hear me, right?" Without waiting for any signs to prove her right or wrong, she continued, "Luke…I didn't mean it," she gasps out. "I really, really didn't, I…" She stopped short, realizing that she has to be strong for him, not the other way around. She cleared her throat and began again. "I love you. I will always love you. And no matter what you feel for me right now…can you please, please just open your eyes?" She bit her lip hesitantly. "For me, Luke," she finally breathed out. "Please, just open your eyes."

"Honey." Haley's voice breaks into the door from the doorway, where she stood, giving Peyton her space. "Five minutes are up."

"Already?" she asked, and she didn't recognize her own voice.

"Goes fast," Haley said softly, and the perpetual kindness in her voice almost caused Peyton to break down. "Let's get you home, okay? You and Brooke can share the guest room." She paused, before adding, "It's going to be okay."

"You can't promise that."

Haley sighed. "Let's go, sweetie," she tried again.

Peyton shook her head, glancing back at the boy who was now her ex. "I really…just want to stay in here."

Haley glanced over her shoulder at an impatient-looking nurse. "You're about ten seconds from getting kicked out, Peyton. I know you want to stay, we all do, but…" She shrugged. "Policy, you know?"

Peyton stood up and walked over to her friend. "Yeah, I know that, I just…I think I want to stay…here. In the hospital."

"No, Peyton –"

"It's okay, really, Haley. You have your son to take care of, you and Nathan both need to go home to him."

"I guess…maybe Brooke could stay with you."

She shook her head again. "Brooke needs to go with you and eat ice cream on your couch and cry on your shoulder for a little while. She's been holding it together for me, but she needs to have her own space to fall apart."

Haley's eyes were wary. "I don't really want to leave you here all by yourself…" She glanced back and forth between her friends, one comatose and one a bona fide mess, and she wondered yet again what had happened between them.

"I just really need to be here for him," Peyton said, her green eyes pleading as her voice cracked.

Haley looked back at Lucas. She couldn't help him get better, his health was left solely to doctors and medical equipment in the building. She returned her gaze to Peyton and realized that she _could_ help the blonde heal, and that there was only one way to do it. "Okay," she breathed, trying not to sound too uncertain. "You stay here."


	3. And I'm Wondering Why

**A/N: **Life is really not being kind to me right now. Which sucks for me, but is good for you, because it means I write more! (At least, I think that's good for you.) Enjoy, and please review.

**03. And I'm Wondering Why**

"Ah, she's awake!"

Peyton blinked repeatedly as she sat up. As her eyes readjusted to the lighting, she recognized her surroundings, was reminded of where she was. She squinted over at Nathan, who was smiling gently at her.

"Welcome back, Sawyer."

"How long was I asleep?" she murmured.

"A few hours. You needed that."

"Yeah…I guess I did." She glanced over at the clock on the wall, big and white with stark, black numbers. A good clock, a trustworthy clock – it never misled her, even though sometimes she wished it would. Quickly calculating in her mind, she realized that Lucas had been out cold for nearly four days.

"Don't freak out." Nathan's voice interrupted her thoughts as he rubbed her back lightly.

"God, Nate…" she murmured, unable to keep from freaking out just a _little_ bit. "I'm scared," she choked out, her voice cracking. "I'm so scared for him…and I'm scared for _me_."

He continued to rub her back soothingly. "Just give him a little more time, Peyton. He's going to come through for you."

She shot him a rueful smile, running a hand through her sleep-mussed hair. "Thanks for being my pillow."

Nathan grinned. "No problem. Listen…you should go see Luke, okay? I'll call the girls, they're still at home with Jamie."

"Thanks," she whispered, gently ruffling his hair before he stood and walked off.

The past four days had been long and tiring and just impossibly _hard_. It was just so difficult to sit in an uncomfortable chair for days on end, knowing that there was nothing she could do. She wanted so badly to help Lucas, to make him better.

She sighed as she walked into Lucas' room and sat on the chair next to his bed where she'd spent a good deal of her time over the past few days. She leaned toward him, pressing her lips against his forehead. Gently, she threaded her fingers through his and smiled ruefully, lifting her other hand to run it through his hair. "You gonna wake up for me soon or what?" she whispered.

He didn't make the slightest of movements and she sighed again. She was trying to cry less, so she just cleared her throat and continued to stroke his hair. "Okay," she said softly, trying to make her voice clear and strong. "That's okay. Take your time, Luke, I'm right here. But I'll wait…" She sniffed and swallowed hard. "I'll wait forever if I have to. I will, Lucas." She bit her lower lip until she tasted blood. "I just wish you would have waited for me."

One of his usual nurses walked in, throwing Peyton a smile. "You never leave, do you, honey?"

She smiled back, lifting her eyebrows, "No, I never give up."

"That's the right attitude," she said softly. "Stay strong for him. He's stable now, Peyton. Any minute now, he could come back to you."

"I hope," she said shakily.

"Hey, you."

She turned around to say Haley leaning against the doorframe. "Hey. Who's at home with your baby boy?"

"Brooke's still with him, she's madly in love. Nathan went out to get something to eat, so _I_ am your company right now."

"You guys don't have to babysit me," Peyton told her with a smile.

"Oh, yeah, I know," Haley agreed, walking into the room and perching on the edge of Lucas' bed, smiling sadly at the motionless form of her best friend. "But we _want_ to be here. For both of you." She paused and looked Peyton up and down, glad to note that there was a little more colour in her cheeks. "Hey, honey, can I…can I talk to you?"

Peyton glanced up at her in surprise. "Um, yeah…sure." She stood, making sure to lean down and brush her lips against Lucas' cheek before she followed Haley out. "What's going on?"

Haley linked their arms and gently pulled her down the hall. "Let's sit," she said, directing them toward a couch that looked a little more comfortable than the chairs Peyton had been spending her time sitting on lately.

"Haley, what is it?"

Haley took a deep breath and turned, pulling one leg up onto the couch so that they could face each other and have better eye contact. "Look, Peyton…I'm just trying to put some puzzle pieces together in my head."

She frowned. Brooke had told her that she wouldn't say anything to Nathan or Haley about the breakup if Peyton didn't want her to, and she hadn't. But something about the all-knowing yet slightly uncertain way Haley was looking at her made her think that she did, in fact, know. "Okay…" she said cautiously, waiting for the bomb to drop.

"They gave me Lucas' things. Everything that wasn't ruined in the accident. You know, like his wallet, his sunglasses, which were miraculously fine, and…this." She pulled a small, velvety black box from her purse.

Haley's eyes never left hers, and Peyton could feel moisture gathering in the corners of her own green orbs. "I…"

"All I know is that he was so excited when he left to see you. All I know is how much you love him. So why…"

"Why aren't I wearing that," Peyton murmured, finishing Haley's sentence.

"Yeah," Haley agreed quietly.

"I want to marry him," she said softly. "It's just…it seemed so _soon_. I didn't want to _risk_ anything, I didn't want to say yes only to have us fall apart later. I was trying to do the right thing, I…"

"Shh," Haley said comfortingly. "Slow down. What happened?"

"I…" She shrugged. "He got us a hotel room, and I was late showing up…I walked in and that box was on the floor. I knew what I wanted to say to him, but then he woke up and he looked at me with that stupid…broody face and I just…I forgot everything I wanted to tell him. And when he told me…I love him so much, Haley. I didn't want to screw things up, but he…he thought I was saying no. But I –"

"You weren't," Haley nodded. "It's okay. I get it."

"And now…now he's here, and God, Haley, I've been trying to stay positive but what if he _doesn't_ wake up. What if I lose him in more ways then one?" She wiped at her eyes, and her thumbs came back with mascara smeared on them.

"Shh," Haley repeated, digging out a tissue and handing it to her. "It's alright. I don't think you're going to lose him, I really don't, and can I tell you why?"

She nodded uncertainly.

"I looked inside. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have, but I…I couldn't help it. Did you see the ring?"

Peyton shook her head. "I never…I never let him get that far."

"Okay. Honey…" Haley cracked open the box and handed it to her. "This is Karen's ring. The ring Keith gave to her." Peyton's face crumpled and she said, "Hey, no, I'm not trying to make you more upset. I know that this is hard, and right now all you want is for Lucas to wake up, but I want you to take a second and take yourself out of this, okay? Look at the bigger picture. This is bad, and this _sucks_, but Peyton…I honestly think that this is your second chance." She reached out and closed Peyton's fingers around the box. "When Lucas wakes up he is going to remember how much he loves you. That boy could never resent you, no matter what. You are _Peyton Sawyer_. When we were _twelve_ years old he told me that he wanted to marry you." She smiled softly. "You can make whatever decisions you want, because it's your life and your relationship. But I know that there is little that Lucas would want more than to see that ring on your finger."

With one last smile, she stood and turned to walk away.

"Haley!" Peyton called after her. When her friend turned back, she took a deep breath and lifted the box slightly. "Thank you."

Haley nodded. "He loves you, Peyton. I guarantee you that you're probably the biggest reason that he wants to wake up."

-x-

"How're you holding up?" Brooke asked that evening as she approached Peyton, sitting down next to her and patting her knee.

"Okay," she said with a shrug.

"Brought you jello," Brooke offered as brightly as she could, holding out the plastic cup.

Peyton grimaced. "No thanks."

"Yeah…I don't blame you," Brooke sighed, tossing it into a garbage can. "So…Naley know about the breakup, huh?"

Peyton nodded, turning the box over in her hands and tracing its edges with her index fingers.

Brooke bit back a smile. "Can I see it?" she implored.

She smiled, well-aware of Brooke's wedding obsession. She handed the box over and let her friend have a look.

"Oh, P. Sawyer…it's beautiful."

Peyton raised her eyebrows and nodded. She knew exactly how beautiful it was.

"You try it on yet?" Brooke asked with a smirk.

"Um, _no_." When Brooke shot her a pleading look, she said forcefully, "_No_. It wouldn't be right."

"But it's your ring!" Brooke whined.

"It's _not_ my ring," Peyton contradicted her quietly. "I said no to it."

Brooke rolled her eyes, crossing her right leg over her left. "Bitch, _please_. There is no way that you or Lucas are going to end up with _anyone_ else – believe me, I've tried to get in there – so tell me, in what universe is that _not your ring_." Her eyes softened. "Babe, that has _always_ been _your _ring. Lucas doesn't hate you, okay? There's a thin line between love and hate, you know that, but Lucas has always stayed firmly on the good side."

Peyton smiled softly. "B. Davis…thanks for being here. I'm sorry that I've kind of lost touch with you lately."

Brooke shrugged. "I could've picked up the phone, too, P. Don't blame yourself, okay? For anything."

She leaned into Brooke, resting her head on her friend's shoulder. "I'm glad you're here," she whispered, her fingers tightening around the jewellery box.

"Of course I'm here," Brooke told her lightly. "Peyton…sometimes you just need to let go of all the heartache and the hurt and really and truly believe that everything's going to be okay."

"Do you? Believe in all that?"

"Yeah," Brooke said confidently, sounding as though she were a little surprised by her own optimism. "I do. People don't _always_ leave, P. Sawyer. You've just got to give us a chance to prove that to you."

-x-

It was late that night that Peyton made the phone call to L.A. to quit her job. When Lucas proposed, she told him that she couldn't make Tree Hill her home again, not after all that had happened there. His accident had proved her wrong. Being back in this town held a certain comfort.

This was the place where they'd fallen in love.

She curled up in the chair at Lucas' bedside, throwing a sweater Nathan had brought for her around her shoulders for warmth and settling in to read the latest issue of _Rolling Stone_. The same nurse who'd been there early in the day walked in and shook her head.

"You should go home," she suggested kindly.

Peyton shrugged and shook her head. "I'm kind of homeless right now," she admitted quietly.

"So _that's_ why you're here all the time," the nurse, whose name was Amanda, teased.

She smirked softly, but the smile faded from her lips in no time. "He is my home," she whispered, glancing up into Amanda's eyes briefly.

She nodded. "You know, Peyton…if you leave his side for a couple hours, that doesn't mean you love him any less."

Nathan had given her that same speech the previous day. "Yeah, I…I know. Or at least, my brain does. My heart? Not so much."

"He's lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have him," she countered. "He's saved me more times than I can count. I just wish…I wish there was something I could do."

"You're doing it," Amanda told her gently. "I'm guessing I'll see you tomorrow?" she asked as she headed for the door.

"And the day after," Peyton said with a small laugh.

Nights at the hospital were long, and eerily silent, interrupted only by the squeak of someone's or the beeping of machines. Then again, silence was good. A patient three rooms away from Lucas had gone into cardiac arrest on his second night there, and Peyton had been so horrified that she had to get out of the building. Brooke, who'd thankfully decided to spend that night at the hospital as well, had hurried outside to find her sitting on a stone wall, breathing hard and trying not to think about the day her mother died. "You're okay," Brooke had whispered, pulling her into a hug and stroking her hair. "You're okay and he's okay."

She couldn't sleep through the night, so she talked to Lucas instead. Doctors were always saying that coma patients tended to wake up sooner if they heard people or music that they liked, and Peyton did both. She whispered to him through the smallest hours of the morning, reminding him about all the pointless but perfect moments they'd shared.

At nearly five in the morning she got tired of talking. She placed her hands on the mattress and rested her chin on top of them, just watching his face. He looked calm and peaceful, a vast contrast to the hurt and angry expression she'd last seen him wear. She would give anything to see him display some emotion again.

And then his fingers twitched. She sat upright, her gaze fixated on his hand, praying to whomever cared that he'd actually moved, that her tired mind hadn't imagined it.

His eyes opened and a burst of air rushed out of her lungs. She stared at him, hopeful and speechless, as his eyes raked up and down her face. "Hey, baby," she finally whispered, resisting the urge to lean forward and kiss him senseless.

When emotion did light up those blue eyes she loved so much again, it was not anything like she expected. Not relief or anger or anything close. Confusion. Fear and uncertainty were all she saw.

And Lucas said, his voice rough and gravelly, "Who…are you?"

**A/N:** You knew that was coming, I know you did. Sorry if it disappoints some of you, but this was always the direction I intended on taking this story.


	4. These Little Black Clouds

**A/N:** Thank you for your reviews, you guys are amazing. :)

**04. These Little Black Clouds (Keep Walking Around With Me) **

"Hey –"

Peyton jumped about a foot in the air when Haley's hand landed on her shoulder, and she pressed a hand to her chest as if that would slow down her heartbeat. "Hey," she gasped out.

"We got here as soon as we could. Nathan's still home with Jamie." Haley reached out, tucking Peyton's hair behind her ears. "Why don't we sit? Brooke…" She looked over her shoulder to where the brunette stood. "Can you get her some water?"

Brooke nodded and hurried off as Haley steered Peyton toward a chair and sat her down. "You weren't making much sense on the phone, honey. What happened?"

Peyton rested her elbows on her knees and buried her face in her hands for a moment, taking a deep breath. She lifted her head and gestured vaguely with her hands, her fingers splayed in a way that clearly indicated both desperation and helplessness. "He doesn't…he doesn't _know_ who I _am_," she whispered.

"What?"

"He doesn't know who I am," Peyton repeated. "He looked at me, and he asked me who I was."

"Oh, my God…Peyton…"

"This is the end, right?" she whispered, her throat tight with tears.

"Hey, no, don't say that. Don't think like that. You've been so good to stay hopeful for him, and you've _got_ to keep that up. You don't know his prognosis yet, maybe it's just temporary…" She trailed off as she spotted the doctor approaching them.

"Miss Sawyer," he greeted Peyton. "And…"

"Mrs. Scott," Haley offered, extending her hand to shake his. "I'm Lucas' sister-in-law."

"So…what is it?" Peyton asked breathlessly, and she felt Haley's hand close around hers.

"Lucas' physical injuries are healing quite well. As you know, one of his lungs partially collapsed, but we managed to repair the damage, and he's going to be fine. He suffered two breaks in his left leg, in both the tibia and fibula, but we've reset everything and it looks like those should heal without complication."

Both Haley and Peyton just stared at him, their eyes demanding: _and_?

"Lucas is suffering from retrograde amnesia."

"Meaning?" Peyton demanded. She felt like every single one of her muscles was shaking.

Haley, of course, knew what that meant. "Difficulty remembering events in his past," she said softly. She met the doctor's eyes. "Is it flat or temporal?"

"Someone's done her research," he commented, but hurried on, "His amnesia is temporally graded."

"But what does that _mean_?" Peyton cried. _Temporal_ sounded like _temporary_ and that gave her more hope than she dared to have.

Of course, it didn't have the meaning she wanted it to. The doctor turned his attention to her and said: "It's the most common form of amnesia after an accident. The events of Lucas' resent life are completely lost to him, but it's likely that his past is still moderately clear in his mind. You can rest assured that he'll recall his parents, for instance."

Peyton nodded to herself, a bitter smile tugging at her lips. "But not me."

"I'm sorry, Miss Sawyer," the doctor said earnestly. "Every case of amnesia is different and in most cases, patients do recall certain events. You have to have infinite patience, but if you continue to jog Lucas' memory, there's a chance that one day he may remember who you are. I have to caution you – both of you – to make sure to remain patient and understanding. Lucas is undoubtedly embarrassed and stressed by his loss of memory. If he doesn't know you…"

"I have to start from square one," Peyton finished for him.

The doctor nodded. "Don't bombard him with information. Tell him the truth, but be selective. They key thing that Lucas needs now is time."

Haley glanced at Peyton, giving her hand a squeeze. "Thanks, doctor."

"The nurses or I will be glad to answer any of your other questions."

Peyton sighed, slumping in her chair. "Dammit," she murmured, wanting to both sob and laugh at the same time. "Aren't I worth more brain space than Dan?"

Haley smiled sympathetically. "Of course you are."

"What'd he say?" Brooke demanded when she returned, pressing a bottle of water into Peyton's hands.

"Lucas has amnesia," Peyton stated in a monotone.

Brooke sat down slowly on the other side of Peyton. "…oh. Wow."

"Yeah, _wow_ just about sums it up."

"Oh, P…"

"What do I do now?" she whispered, appealing to her two best friends.

"Peyton…do you remember what I told you yesterday?"

She rolled her eyes, tired and hurt and beginning to think that she really couldn't deal with this. "_I'm_ not that one with amnesia, Hales."

Haley rolled her eyes as well, but didn't comment on Peyton's sudden attirude. "I think this is your do-over, Peyton. Lucas has loved you for a very long time. I don't think it's going to be very hard to get him to fall in love with you again."

"Might even be easier," Brooke shrugged, trying to be optimistic. At Peyton's sceptical look, she said, "No, really, P. Sawyer. I am, first of all, you're not sleeping with Nathan…I hope." Both Haley and Peyton sent her scathing looks, so she continued, "And _I'm_ not going to get in the way this time – because really, let's face it, I was your biggest threat," she teased. "You've already dealt with school shootings and crazy stalkers and the deaths of people you love. Maybe this time you can do it without drama."

"Okay, _maybe_. But how am I supposed to introduce myself? Hi, I'm Peyton. You proposed to me a week ago and I said no."

"No," Haley said softly. "That's not what you say. You say, hey, I'm Peyton, we're really good friends. Or…" She swept Peyton's purse up from the floor and pressed the velvety jewellery box into her friend's hands. "Or you say something else." She smiled gently. "I really want to go say hi, okay? Are you guys alright here?"

"You're such a mom," Brooke said with a fond smile. Peyton was gaping speechlessly at that box she held, so it was up to Brooke to speak for them both. "Go. We'll be fine."

Brooke and Peyton sighed in unison as Haley walked away, and both cracked small smiles.

"Well," Brooke mused, "I guess this proves my theory wrong?"

"And what theory is that, B. Davis?" Peyton asked lazily, most of her mind still focused on Lucas.

"That _no one_ can forget Brooke Davis," her friend informed her, her tone gentle and teasing. She pulled Peyton into a hug. "What're you going to do, P.?"

-x-

Haley rapped her knuckles lightly against the doorframe of Lucas' room. "Knock, knock."

Lucas' eyes flew over to meet hers, and he squinted at her for just a little too long, while Haley stood, nervously fidgeting under his gaze.

Finally, he asked incredulously, hesitantly, "_Hales?"_

Haley pressed a hand to her chest and reminded herself that she'd promised she wasn't going to cry. "Oh, thank God, you remember me," she breathed. "I mean, I'm sorry, I…can I give you a hug?"

Lucas smiled and lifted an arm. "Of course you can."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pressed her lips to his forehead before she pulled away, settling into the chair that had become Peyton's over the past few days. She pushed Lucas' hair out of her eyes. "What do you remember?" she asked softly.

"Just…flashes. I remember third grade, when you fell at the playground and got all that gravel stuck in your knee, do you remember that?"

"Yeah, I do. I wouldn't stop crying and you just put your arm around me and walked me back to your house." She smiled gently and waited for him to say more.

"I remember…stuff from when we were growing up; my mom, Keith…"

Haley felt the blood drain from her face. She'd forgotten, temporarily, the hell that they'd all been through. And now he didn't remember, now he didn't know…and would she be the one who had to tell him?

"I remember Dan and quitting basketball camp because he and Nathan…" He trailed off, studying her face worriedly, noting how pale she suddenly looked. "Where…is my mom, Haley?" he asked cautiously.

"I talked to her," she said instantly, placing her hand over his and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "She's going to be back here as soon as she can be."

"Where is she?" he huffed, exasperated that he knew absolutely nothing when it came to the past few years.

"Right now she's probably in England, when I talked to her she was in Austria. She's been traveling a lot, now that you're older."

"By herself?"

Haley took a deep breath and looked at her best friend sympathetically. "I don't want to give you an information overload right now, okay? Just know that your mom is perfectly fine, and she loves you, and she's on her way home to be here for you."

Lucas made a face but didn't complain.

"I'm sorry," Haley said softly.

He lifted his hand, gently cupping her cheek for a moment. "You grew up good, Haley James."

Her eyes filled with tears and she pressed his face into his hand, biting her lip to hold back sobs. "God, I'm sorry, I…" She pressed both of her own hands against her face and focused on her breathing.

Lucas index finger traced up Haley's left hand until it finally encountered her wedding ring. She pulled back to stare at him, her expression nothing short of a classic deer-in-the-headlights look.

He smiled at the sight of it, and the feeling of amusement was a relief. "Who's the lucky guy?"

She winced and eyed his face cautiously. "Um…Nathan?"

Lucas' eyes all but bugged right out of his head. "You _married_ Nathan? Like…Nathan, my half brother, _that_ Nathan?"

"Yes…I…I did."

He hesitated. "Will you think it's really stupid if I ask _why_?"

She laughed lightly. "He's…he's different now, Lucas. You trust my judgement, don't you?"

"I…guess so. God, this is so…"

"I know it's got to be rough," she said quietly. "Let me just…I'll give you the basics, okay? Like…you're an uncle. A godfather, too." She smiled hopefully at him, her eyes alight with joy as they always were when she spoke about her son.

"Bu…I…the nurse said that I'm…I'm nineteen, right? Which means that _you_ are _also_ nineteen?"

Haley sighed. Their lives were infinitely more complicated than she'd ever realized. "Nathan and I got married when we were…sixteen. Jamie was born last year. He has your name, as his middle name. James Lucas Scott."

"So, just to be clear, he didn't get you pregnant. Well, he did. But that's not the reason you got married, right?"

She slapped his arm lightly. "_No_. I waited, until we got married." She sighed again. This was more difficult than she had originally imagined. "Okay, listen, Luke…you wrote a book. And it's _amazing_, and I checked your phone – they gave it to me after the crash – and there's an e-mail from an editor in your inbox. You wrote a book that's getting _published_."

Lucas massaged his temples, trying to balance all the information in his head. "In what way does that make _anything_ less confusing?"

"Because I'm going to give it to you, your manuscript, you can read it. I think it's going to do a better job of telling you your life story than I ever could."

"Okay…" he agreed hesitantly.

"I'm _really_ glad you're okay," she breathed.

Lucas smiled kindly. "Can I ask just one more thing?"

"I was kind of hoping you could read the book first, ask the questions later."

"Just one?"

"Of course you can," she sighed, returning his smile brightly.

"That girl…who was in here when I woke up…who is she? She kind of bolted out."

She sighed, but then an idea popped into her mind. She leaned forward, propping her elbows on his mattress. "Hey, Luke…do you remember…Peyton Sawyer?"

His blush was automatic and the sight of it made her want to cry. "Um, yeah. Kind of."

Haley rolled her eyes. _Kind of_. Yeah, right. "Okay, well…that's her."

His jaw dropped. "Uh…wow. _Wow_."

She smirked. "She grew up pretty good, too, didn't she?"

"Haley…" He paused. He didn't want to sound like a desperate, lovesick kid…but he kind of was, and he had no sweet clue as to what was going on, so he threw caution to the wind and said quietly, "She called me 'baby'. Are we…is she…?"

She patted his hand. "I'm going to let her talk to you, okay?"

Lucas smiled weakly and shrugged. "That's been than _how 'bout you read the book first_."

Haley smiled and leaned in to kiss his forehead again. "It is _so_ good to see you awake. I'll be back."

-x-

Peyton had been pacing the hallway for nearly a half hour. Haley, who'd patiently been reading a magazine, finally slapped it down on the chair next to hers. "Honey, he's _waiting_ for you."

"I know…"

"P., you've _got_ to make up your mind," Brooke told her gently. "You're starting to make me dizzy."

Haley leaned forward. "He remembers you, from when we were younger. So in his eyes, you've never spoken, never mind anything else, but at least he knows who you _are_. That's something."

"Yeah," Brooke agreed. "Good point, tutor girl." She ignored Haley's eye-rolling and said, "Besides, he just found out that Haley married Nathan. Your confession of love is probably a badly-needed anecdote at this point."

"Shut up!" Haley cried with a laugh, but her smile slipped away as she regarded Peyton. "Whatever you decide will be right. Just get in there, okay?"

"We love you," Brooke added, losing her teasing tone. "Now…_go_."

She shot her friends grateful smiles before she walked shakily toward Lucas' room. She paused just out of the doorway and blew out her breath. She fished in her purse for the box that held the ring and grasped it tightly.

Before she could over think it, she cracked open the box, took the ring out, and slid it onto her finger. Then, before she could hesitate, she stepped in.

"Hi," she whispered, with a lamely nervous wave.

Lucas' smile was forgiving, if not a little sleepy. "Hi back."

A little more at ease, she closed the distance between the two of them, gesturing to the door as she said, "Sorry about running out on your earlier."

"It's okay. It's understandable."

She sat down and shot him a shy smile. "Haley said that you remember me? At least seeing me around?"

"Yeah, of course I do," he said, and it was so sweet and familiar that her heart melted.

"Peyton Sawyer," he mused, his eyes scanning her face. A sudden surge of confidence hit him, and he ran with it: "You're beautiful."

She blushed deeply, staring down at the floor, unsure of what to say next.

"Peyton…" The soft, questioning note in his voice made her look up. "What…what are we?"

This was it, the moment of truth, and she wasn't going to back down. She took a deep breath, looked right into his eyes, and smiled sadly. Gently, she lifted her hand, placing it on top of his and intertwining their fingers so that he could feel the coolness of the silver band on her diamond ring. The moment the words left her lips, she felt hopeful, as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. "Lucas…I'm your fiancée."


	5. With Me

**A/N:** Sorry for the wait, I've been sick…this explanation is getting a little redundant at this point, but it's true. This chapter is a little bit filler-ish, but it was necessary. I hope to get the next one out within a week, but I make no promises. Feedback is always appreciated.

**05. With Me**

"I…I can't believe I'm engaged. To _you_."

She blushed. He really was as crazy about her as Haley had said. "You like me that much, huh?" she asked, gently teasing.

Lucas studied her face for a moment. It was hard to tell how she really felt about him – he didn't know her, didn't remember her facial quirks and reactions, couldn't decipher what she was thinking. But there was a softness in her expression that he recognized as love, and he took a risk, quietly, admitting, "You're kind of my dream girl."

Peyton gave him a watery smile in return. "Well, I'm not a dream. I'm right here; I'm going to help you through this." She ran her fingers lovingly through his hair. "You'll remember, Luke. I know you will."

He looked into her teary eyes and felt a sudden surge of fear that he might disappoint her. "And if I don't?"

"Then…I hope you can learn to love me again. I hope you dream girl doesn't disappoint you."

Lucas flipped over his hand that laid under hers and entwined their fingers. "You won't." He paused before asking, "When did I propose?"

"Six days ago," she whispered.

"But…wasn't my accident…" He struggled to make the mental leaps.

"Yeah…five days ago."

"Peyton, I…I'm sorry you had to go through that."

She shook her head, cutting off anything else he might say. "No, I…I'm just glad you're okay." Her voice cracked on the last word and her tears spilled onto her cheeks.

Lucas hesitated for a moment before he pulled his hand from hers and carefully lifted his arm. "C'mere," he murmured.

She rested her head against his side, sobbing into his blankets, and felt his fingers thread lightly through her hair. He was so trusting, so blatantly crushed out on her. She felt a sudden surge of guilt. She'd said no. He was technically no longer hers. Was it fair, for her to be lying to him like this? She hadn't _meant _ to say no. But she couldn't help but worry that in protecting her own heart, she would only end up hurting his.

-x-

Haley stopped short in the doorway, holding out a hand to keep Brooke from walking into the room. Peyton was bent over Lucas' mattress, her head resting on his abdomen as her shoulders shook with her tears. Lucas was stroking her hair hesitantly, almost as if he was afraid to touch her.

Brooke gasped softly, but the sound was enough to attract Lucas' attention, and his eyes darted upward.

When Lucas' hand stilled in her hair, Peyton lifted her head to see what had distracted him. Haley and Brooke were standing at the door, gripping each other's arms. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hey, honey," Brooke replied, softly. She pointed over her shoulder with her thumb. "We can come back…"

"No, you…Lucas, you should…_meet_…" Peyton trailed off.

"Yeah, good idea,' Haley agreed, taking charge. "Peyton, come here, let's get you cleaned up."

"I'm a mess," she agreed, trying to laugh. She hadn't put on any makeup since Lucas' accident, so she didn't have raccoon eyes, but she could feel the splotchy heat in her cheeks.

"You're beautiful," Lucas contradicted her quietly, and she felt another sob rise up from her chest.

Haley gently pulled her to her feet. "Come on."

As her friends slipped out the door, Brooke turned back to Lucas. "Ever the charmer," she mused as she walked over to him and sat down. "You remember me at all, Broody?"

He looked her up and down, puzzled. "Sorry…no."

"Shame," she sighed. "Well, Lucas Scott, I'm Brooke Davis. I'm Peyton's best friend. You and I got together once upon a time. Actually, twice, once upon a time."

His eyes widened considerably. "Whoa."

"Yeah," she shrugged. "It's kind of a long story, love triangle like you wouldn't believe. You've got to read that book of yours."

"I'm sorry I don't remember you."

"Oh, it's okay." He seemed so very sweet and shy, much like he'd been when they first met. "We'll make new memories."

"Is…is Peyton okay?"

Brooke smiled. "She'll be fine as soon as you are, bud."

-x-

"Haley…" Peyton trailed off, suddenly doubting herself. Maybe she shouldn't ask questions – maybe she should just leave things as they were.

"What is it?" Haley prodded softly, sympathetically.

Peyton felt like a five-year-old in her current position. She was with Haley in the women's washroom on the main floor of the hospital, perched on the counter. Moments ago, Haley had passed her a tissue and ordered, "Blow your nose." Then she'd handed Peyton a damp paper towel so that she could wash her face; she was currently fishing through her purse for some lip balm. Even though she felt a little incompetent and pretty pathetic, she wasn't about to protest. Haley dealt with things by taking control and taking care. And, if she were to be honest with herself, Peyton didn't really protest to the maternal treatment. It was comforting.

"You…you think I'm doing the right thing, right?" she asked nervously.

"With Luke?"

Peyton nodded.

Haley sighed and hopped up to sit next to her on the counter. "Yeah…I do. Why, are you having second thoughts?"

"He…" Peyton looked down at her feet. "He's in love with me."

Haley smiled. "Has been for a long time. It's nothing new, you know that."

"Yeah, but he…he's in love with me like he was when we were younger. He looks at me like I'm…I'm amazing, untouchable. In his world, we…we've never even _kissed_. He trusts me, Haley, you should have seen the way he looked at me. He doesn't remember the hell we've been through. He's putting his heart in my hands like I'm the best person to take care of it."

"Because you _are_," Haley assured her. "You love him, Peyton, the way I love Nathan. I can see it, and even though he can't put a name to it yet, so can Luke." She patted Peyton's knee. "You know what really matters, here? You said no, and you two went your separate ways. You were both heartbroken. But there is not a doubt in my mind that some way, at some point, you would've found your way back to one another. You're saving yourself, and Lucas, the time. The time and the heartache and the worry."

"Thank you," Peyton whispered gratefully. "But…what if all of that time, and all of that pain…in the end, isn't it a good thing? Wouldn't all of that strengthen our relationship, even if it hurt?"

Haley shook her head stubbornly. "Maybe it would, yeah, but you're going to help Lucas get back. You're going to help him find his memory. And _that_ is all the foundation your relationship is going to need." Peyton hesitated and Haley rolled her eyes. "Honey, I'm going to need you to stop being a masochist and accept this, okay? He loves you, you love him. Let yourself have your fairytale, alright? All Lucas has ever wanted is _you_. So for _both_ of your sakes…let it go. Be happy."

Peyton arched an eyebrow, smiling weakly. "Sometimes I forget how."

Haley slid off of the counter and handed over the lip balm. "I guess you and Lucas both have some remembering to do, then, huh?"

-x-

"Hi."

Lucas looked up and over to the door of his room, where a dark-haired man stood, smiling uncertainly. The light bulb went on in his mind. "Um…Nathan?"

"Got it in one," his half-brother replied weakly, taking another couple steps into the room. "This…this is weird, huh?"

"Got it in one," Lucas mimicked, hoping that his tone came off as teasing rather than hostile.

"Right, so…uh…you probably don't have very good memories of me."

"Not exactly."

Nathan winced. "You want to give me some examples, so I know what I'm working with?" It had been years since the atmosphere that surrounded the brothers had been quite so…_unkind_…and it was disconcerting.

"You mocked me at every opportunity. Popular. You were…dating Peyton? And you had that really stupid friend…Tom, or something? But you…you were good. At basketball," he conceded.

Nathan smiled for a half-second. "Yeah, see…in the world where you have your memory, we've already gotten past all of this."

"Sorry?" Lucas supplied, unsure of what reaction Nathan was looking for.

"No, don't apologize…I guess _I _should apologize. I'm sorry, man. For everything…I still am. I was a different person then and I'm…I'm not proud of who that was. I did some pretty shit of stuff. So I'm sorry. Again."

"I guess I…forgive you," Lucas shrugged. "Again."

"Things have just…they've really changed. Haley, she changed me so much for the better, and…Peyton and I are friends now, and you and I have really worked things out. I got… emancipated, from Dan and my mom, three years ago now."

Lucas' eyes widened in surprise. "Why?"

Nathan sighed heavily. "Lots of reasons. They got divorced, and… You know, you should…"

"Read my book?" Lucas guessed. "Yeah, I really need to get on that."

The younger Scott brother smirked. "A _lot_ has happened, these past few years. Some of it's been really good, and some of it's been…awful. I'm sorry that you can't remember any of it. I guess I just wanted to make sure that you and I were alright." He paused. "Are we? Alright?"

"Sure," Lucas replied. His brother's personality certainly had done a one-eighty, and he figured he could trust Haley's instincts.

"Good," Nathan said, letting out an audible sigh of relief. "As soon as you get out of here, we'll play a game…see if I can still kick your ass."

Lucas smiled back. "Sounds good," he nodded.

-x-

"C'mon, baby boy, just _one_ more carrot?" Brooke asked hopefully, holding a spoon in front of her one-year-old godson's mouth. "Carrots are _yummy_."

Jamie kept his lips stubbornly closed. Brooke sighed and sat back in defeat. "Fine, James Lucas Scott, but your mama is _not_ going to be happy about this."

He grinned sheepishly and laughed his adorably sweet baby laugh. Her heart melted instantly. "Oh, fine, you're too cute to stay mad at," she said, pulling him out his highchair and into her lap. "Yeah, you are," she repeated, tickling him and blowing a raspberry on his neck.

The phone rang and she sighed again. "Who is that, bothering us?" she asked him playfully. She balanced him on her hip as she stood, and set him on the counter as she snatched up the telephone, her hand hovering in the air behind his back to keep him from falling. "Naley residence," she answered.

"Brooke?"

"Yep," she replied, her brow furrowing in confusion. "Who is this?"

"It's Karen, honey, I'm in London."

"Oh! Hi! Are you on your way?"

The older woman sighed in exasperation. "No, my flight's been delayed, I'm stuck here for another twelve hours, and then it's about eight and a half more in the air to get to you. How is he?"

"Oh, God, I'm sorry we haven't called you…he's awake."

She gasped. "And?"

"Take a breath," Brooke told her kindly. "Physically, he's going to be just fine."

Karen sighed in relief. "Oh, good, thank God." She paused, and when Brooke didn't say anything more, she asked, "What aren't you telling me?"

"He has amnesia," she whispered delicately. "But, listen, it's…temporal, or something? I don't really know what any of it means, you'd have to ask Haley, but he remembers you. He remembers Haley, and Nathan."

"But not you?" Karen asked softly, quickly.

"And not Peyton," Brooke confirmed.

"Oh…honey…how are you doing? How's she doing?"

"I'm okay, don't worry about me…I'm taking care of baby James right now. Peyton's dealing, she and Lucas have been talking. It's complicated, it's just…" She trailed off, sighing. There were some things she didn't want to say over the phone.

"My calling card is almost out of minutes. I trust you all to take wonderful care of him until I get back. Tell him that I say hello, and that I love him, okay?" she asked anxiously.

"I will, I promise," Brooke told her just before their call was cut off.

-x-

"Hey," Lucas said happily when Peyton walked into his room. He hadn't seen her since that morning. He'd been visited by Brooke, Nathan, and Haley again, but he'd really wanted to see his fiancée. "You look better," he commented.

She smiled as she perched on the edge of his bed, gently taking his hand in both of her own. "So do you. I'm really digging the whole awake and alert thing," she teased. She glanced up at his IV; the bag was almost empty. "I can't wait to get you out of here," she sighed, more to herself than to him.

"Any idea when that will be?" he asked eagerly. He'd only been awake for a day, but already the atmosphere of the hospital was taking its toll. He was grateful to have so many people around him, taking care of him, but he really wanted to get into his own bed and get his hands on a copy of this book people kept telling him about.

"A couple days," she said sympathetically. "But…I can stay here with you, if you want. I haven't left for a night yet."

He blinked, stunned, and looked deep in her green eyes. He wondered how he'd gotten quite so lucky as he glanced down at the sparkling diamond that sat comfortably on her left hand, as if it belonged there.

"Luke?" she asked gently.

He looked back up at her. "I…what?"

Gently, cautiously, she reached out, threading her fingers through his short blonde hair. "I'm so sorry, honey." It occurred to her that she shouldn't overwhelm him with affection, but she was just so glad that he was there with her, alive and well. "Your head must still be spinning."

He nodded in agreement. He was definitely still rather dizzy with confusion, but her presence alone calmed him down. "I just…I really want to get out of here, and start to figure out my life again."

"I know," she sighed sympathetically. "But there's no rush."

There was suddenly something very vulnerable about him, as he held onto her hand tightly and gazed deeply into her eyes. "Everything's going to be alright, right?" he asked quietly.

Her heart got lodged in her throat. She was thrown back to that moment, her mind fuzzy with alcohol, and the simple comfort brought by his presence next to her. He had taken care of her that night, holding her hair back as she threw up, sitting with her on the tiled floor of the hotel bathroom, carrying her back to bed and letting her snuggle into his arms as she fell asleep, even though she probably looked and smelled awful. He had always, always taken care of her. It was her turn to do the same.

"Yeah," she whispered thickly, "Everything's going to be alright."

"Hey…" he said gently. "I didn't…I didn't mean to make you cry."

"No, it's not you…" She pulled both her hands away from him to wipe away her tears. "It's me, I just…" She shook her head. "I don't want t-to overwhelm you, or freak you out, but…"

He took her hand back in his. His eyes were probing, her gaze delving down into the depths of her soul as it always had. "It's okay."

"I really, really love you, Luke," she whispered without breaking eye contact. The moment was weighty, smothering, drowning her in emotion. She sucked in some air, studying the shock and appreciation in his bright blue orbs, and tried to lighten the atmosphere again. "I can't wait to get you home," she added, leaning close, "so that I can show you."

His eyes widened considerably – after all, in his memory, he'd never had sex at all, never mind with her – but he didn't react dramatically in any other way. He lifted his free hand, gently cupping her cheek in his hand and brushing away her tears with his thumb. "I can already tell," he said simply.

A sound escaped her lips – whether it was a laugh or a sob, she didn't really know. Nonetheless, she straightened up and rewarded him with a soft smile. He returned it wholeheartedly, but she caught a glimpse of uncertainty in his eyes.

"What is it?"

"I, uh…this is going to sound really stupid."

"No, it won't. What is it?"

He scrunched up his nose before he finally asked tentatively, "Er…where, exactly, _is_ my home?"

She supposed it was a heavy question. He'd been making constant commutes from Tree Hill to Raleigh to New York to Los Angeles. He didn't exactly have a stable home right now, and she didn't really know what the future held for them. However, despite all of that, the answer sprang to her mind with nothing short of clarity. "With me," she told him, certainly and tenderly. "With me."


	6. It Wates Time and I'd Rather Be High

**A/N:** This one's all LP, nothing more, and is totally dedicated to JV, the most awesome unofficial beta reader in the world. There'll be a bit more action and drama happening in a couple chapters, but a little fluff is always good! Happy 2009!

**06. It Wastes Time and I'd Rather Be High**

Peyton bit back a smile as she observed the impatient look on her boyfriend's – _fiancée's_ – face as the doctor issued his final instructions before he could release Lucas from the hospital. The doctor noticed his fidgety behaviour as well and smirked.

"You're ready to get out of here, aren't you?"

Lucas smiled abashedly. "You have no idea," he admitted, shifting around in his wheelchair.

She stopped trying to hide her smile and let it free, ruffling his hair fondly. "Two more minutes and then we're out of here, alright?" she asked happily.

"I just don't see why the wheelchair is necessary," he grumbled, but shot her the most amazing smile, one that left her entirely breathless.

"Call me if you need anything, Miss Sawyer," the doctor said with a smile, touching her elbow as he walked off. "I think you're in good hands, young man," he called over his shoulder to Lucas.

Lucas nodded, more to himself than to the man pacing off down the antiseptic-scented hall, reaching up and taking Peyton's hand into his delicately, touching her as though she could break.

"What?" she murmured, swallowing over the thick lump that had formed suddenly in her throat. She still had one hand in his hair, gently pushing the blonde strands away from his face so she could look right into his eyes.

He gave her a shy smile as if he was unsure about whether or not he should touch her. "I just…I can't believe it."

"That you're finally a free man?" she teased. "Yeah, baby, we should celebrate."

His cheeks reddened instantly, the moment she called him 'baby' and she kicked herself mentally. It was just so _strange._ Here she was, with the boy she'd loved since she was all of sixteen years old – too young to feel something so powerful – and his memories of her were blurry and all from a distance. She knew him so very intimately – not just physically, not just emotionally, but _soulfully_, and all he knew was that he'd landed the girl he'd always dreamed about.

"I just…I can't believe that someday people are going to call you Mrs. Scott," he marvelled, glancing up at her nervously to see if he'd gone too far, if he was being too forward. "Oh, God, Peyton…I didn't mean to make you cry."

"No! I'm sorry, I just…this is weird, I'm so sorry." She shook her head as if that could erase her babbling. "Someday," she whispered, nodding at him, locking eyes. "Yeah."

-x-

"Is this crazy? Is this…wrong?" She waited to get the words out of her mouth before she turned to look at him, eyes full of worry and vulnerability, just as they had been all those years ago, the _other_ first time they sat in this car together, when she was full of grief and angst that stemmed frightening road rage.

"What?" he asked, scowling, looking just as worried. "Is it too weird for you? Me? I mean…I'm sorry, I really am, I…"

"It's not you, no, I'm just…I'm thinking about you. Do you want…" she hesitated. "Do you want to go with Haley, or something? You just…you know her better…"

"I want to go with you," he said quietly. "If that's okay, I …I want to be with you."

She stared at him for a moment, bruises and cuts, innocent, hopeful eyes. _We have had sex in this car_, she thought. _And he has no sweet clue_.

For some reason, that trivial fact upset her more than almost anything else had in the past few days. She buried her face in her hands and sucked in as much air as she could. It was hard – she'd known it would be, what other way could things go when the love of your life lost his memory? But she couldn't do it; she couldn't live like that. She _needed_ him to _know_ her.

"My mom died," she whispered, her voice muffled more by her hands. If he couldn't remember, they were going to relive as much as they could, damn it.

Lucas' stomach dropped as he tried to figure out if she was saying what he thought she was. "What?" he breathed, reaching over tentatively to touch her shoulder.

She dropped her hands from her face and he saw tear tracks, glittering on her pale cheeks. She'd cried so much since he'd woken up; it broke his heart. It was just another part of this new, odd existence he was living: Peyton's tears and the overuse of the word "weird". He was surprised that Haley hadn't consulted a thesaurus yet.

"When I was younger," she whispered. "When I was nine. She was driving to school to pick me up, and she ran a red light because she was late. I guess I…I never really got over it, you know?"

He nodded understandingly, sensing that she required a response of some sort.

Peyton swallowed hard, but seemed to have gained some strength. "When I was sixteen, I used to run red lights, all the time. The same one that killed her, and all the others in town. Nothing ever happened, but I just couldn't stop. I was tempting fate. I was trying to prove how unfair it was." She turned to look directly at him, blue and green colliding as their eyes met. "That was one of the first things that I told you about myself, that my mom had died. I was running red lights and you climbed into the car to try and stop me. It was the first time we were ever in my car together." She took a deep breath. "I dated Nathan for nearly two years," she whispered. "And he never knew."

"I'm…I'm sorry."

"You looked at me, Luke, and you…I swear, you looked right down and into my _soul_. I have never, ever felt so…so _exposed_ and scared but also so _safe_ before. I fell in love with you then," she added in a whisper. "Or maybe that was just the moment I realized it."

He stared at her, speechless, but he couldn't look away.

"And later…you told me that you'd gladly exchange Dan, so that I could have my mom back." She took a deep, shaky breath and swallowed before licking her dry lips. "I didn't think people like you existed for people like me."

He couldn't _not_ touch her, not after that, so he lifted his hand, gently pushing the curtain of glossy, golden curls that were falling into her face back. "If it makes you feel any better, I never thought I would be so lucky; that someone like you could fall for someone like me."

"I just…I wanted you to know…" She shied away from her own feelings, her own confession.

"What?" he prodded lightly.

"I'm going to sound like a stalker," she blurted, half-laughing, half-crying.

"No," he chuckled fondly. "Peyton…I used to watch you. How could _you_ ever come off as the stalker?"

She could barely breathe. Her heart was pounding fiercely in her chest, in every part of her body – she could feel the frantic beat in her stomach, her throat, her _elbows_, for God's sake. "You watched me?" she gasped out.

He winced; apparently she wasn't already aware of that. "Uh…yeah?"

She was looking at him as though her life depended on the next thing he said. "When?"

Lucas smirked bashfully. "Freshman year," he said with certainty. "And…sophomore year. And also…maybe…both summers."

Peyton felt her throat tighten, but she grinned. "What did you watch?" she asked coyly, unaware of the fact that she was leaning toward him.

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Your legs, mostly."

She could feel the heat in her cheeks – she was wearing shorts today and felt suddenly self-conscious. "Yeah?" she asked him teasingly, feeling a sense of relief she hadn't known she'd been waiting for.

"Yeah," he muttered, smiling softly before he glanced away for a moment, shy. He looked back at her as he spoke. "You were gorgeous." His eyes searched her whole face and she felt like she had before her very first kiss. "You still are." He ran the back of his index finger gently down the line of her jaw. "What were you going to tell me?"

"I…um…I…" She blinked and swallowed, trying to regain her bearings. It had only been days, and already she was starving for his touch. "You're everything to me," she said, matter-of-factly but with emotion in her voice. "I just need you to know that."

"Okay," he said softly, furrowing his brow. He was clearly confused as to why that was quite as important as she'd made it out to be, but willing to go along with it. "Now I know."

"Don't forget, okay?" she asked, trying to make an amnesia joke but failing miserably as her smile dropped, her chin quivering.

"Never will," he swore seriously, still searching her face, trying to figure her out.

"Okay," she said, and repeated, "Okay," before sitting up straight and turning the keys. "Let's go home."

-x-

"So…this is it," she announced, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. "Home."

"I grew up here," he reminded her as gently as he could.

"Right, right…I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he said quickly.

"I've just never had a boyfriend with amnesia before," she said, making a face.

"Really?" he teased back. "Weird. Considering how common it is."

She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. "God, this is weird. Is there any way to make this less weird?"

"We'll figure it out," he promised, softly, kindly. The same way he'd said all the meaningful things he ever had.

"You're still you," she said with another sigh.

"Yeah…" he said, frowning playfully in confusion. "And you are still you."

"So we can still be us…right?" She shook her head. "No, we can't, because you don't _remember_ us."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize!" she practically yelped. "It's not your fault."

"Peyton…" He looked at her, calm and collected. "Come here," he said, holding out his arms. He could do this. He loved her. It didn't have to be awkward; for her sake, he was going to try as hard as he could to make sure it wasn't.

"No…" she said pitifully, pouting as she moved toward him, drawn as if by magnetic, cosmic forces. "I'm supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around. You're the one who was just in the hospital."

"But I think you're hurting more," he said pointedly.

She gave in then, closing the distance between their bodies and carefully wrapping her arms loosely around his neck. It took a few seconds before his hands landed lightly on her hips. His movement was so innocent, so pure. He was shaking.

They were breathing the same way, swift gasps of air, their breath mingling in the small space between them. Their foreheads were almost touching, but not quite. It reminded her of standing with him in a room in Dan Scott's house. She was the more experienced one, the one ready for more, and he was just in love with her, sweet as could be. She wanted him so badly, then and now, but he was too much of a romantic to let things move that quickly.

"Are you nervous?" she whispered, unable to catch her breath. "Are…are you scared?"

He looked at her as though she was worthy of worship. Her eyes were dark, swirling green as she awaited her answer, mouth open oh-so-slightly, chest heaving with her shallow breaths. "I'm scared of what I feel for you," he admitted in the same tone of voice. "What I've always felt."

She touched his face gently, hands cupping his cheeks. "We're going to be okay," she promised. She moved one of her hands to rest over his heart and waited for him to mirror her actions.

His hand rested on her warm skin, exposed by her low-cut camisole. "Your heart's racing," he pointed out with an almost-cocky grin.

Peyton hooked her arm fully around his neck, pulling them closer together. "I missed you," she told him earnestly.

His thumb rubbed gently at the skin exposed between the hem of her shirt and her jeans, and an old habit that had her heart pick up the pace even more. "I'm not going to leave you again," he whispered, his forehead finally coming into contact with hers.

He had no idea whatsoever how very much those words meant to her. "Do you promise?" she whispered, smiling and blinking back tears.

Lucas nodded and that was enough. She threw both arms around him and hugged him tightly, relishing the feeling when he hugged her back. His arms were her safest place. "I love you," she told him, clinging tightly. "And I'm never going to stop."

-x-

Peyton burst out laughing, curling into herself and hugging her stomach, which was starting to hurt – along with her throat and her teeth. "You're such a…goofball," she muttered, shoving Lucas lightly so as not to cause him any pain by knocking any of the injured parts of him.

"_I'm_ a goof?"

"Yes," she said with a girlish giggle.

"Yeah," he sighed reflectively. "Maybe I am."

She laughed again and winced at the pain in her stomach. She knew what he _definitely_ was: high. She didn't know how the strong the painkillers the doctor had prescribed were, but they were doing their job…maybe a bit too well.

He gazed up at her with a thoroughly adorable expression on his face, and she had to remind herself not to lean in and kiss him senseless. "Will you read more to me?"

She couldn't keep herself from leaning in, even if she didn't kiss him, as she said, "Of course I will."

After they'd gotten through all the awkwardness, which consisted of Peyton attempting to give Lucas a tour of his own house and an uncomfortable moment in the doorway of his room in which he'd really and truly come to the realization that not only had they had sex, but they'd done it in his childhood bed, his body started to ache and a wickedly painful headache set in. Peyton directed him to his bed and handed him all of his medication. She'd been smart enough to get him to call his mother – who was still stuck at an airport – before the meds truly kicked in.

Now they were curled up in bed together, Peyton on top of the covers, Lucas under, awkwardness and boundaries having faded away with Lucas' medicated state of mind. She felt so comfortable with him again that she kept having to remind herself not to crawl on top of him and pin him to the bed.

To help fill him in, and to distract herself, she'd grabbed his manuscript and had proceeded to sift through it, trying to find parts that would give him background, such as the evolution of his relationship with Nathan, and ignoring parts that would devastate him, such as Keith's death. They could deal with the bad stuff at a later time, when he was feeling better physically.

"I used to be so jealous of Nathan," Lucas sighed. "He had everything. A father, and basketball…and you."

"Well, honey, he was jealous of you, too," she tells him soothingly. "To him, you were free of all the family legends he had to live up to. You had it easy."

"But I _didn't_ have it easy."

"I know," she whispered in reply, gently running her fingers through his short hair. "But the grass is always greener on the other side, you know that."

He looked up at her, pointing in that goofy way, like Brooke often did when she was inebriated. "But _I_ have you now."

She arched her eyebrows and laughed. "I'm not property, mister."

"But you love me."

"Yeah, baby…I do," she assured him as she continued to stroke his hair. She was propped up against pillows and he wasn't; his head was about level to her stomach, so she was curled toward him, hovering over him a little bit, protectively.

"I'm glad…that you and Brooke and I worked things out. I'm glad that we're all friends."

"Yeah, me too."

"Haley and Nathan…that is _strange_. I never would have seen that coming."

"No one did," she said with a soft chuckle, noting the way his words were slurring, slowing down. "You getting tired, babe?"

"No," he muttered, eyes closed and his breathing evening out.

"Yeah, you are," she whispered affectionately. She leaned down, pressing her lips to his cheek. "Get some rest."

She moved to leave, fully intending to give his tired body some space, to sleep in Karen's room, but his hand reached out, grabbing hers.

His eyes were still closed, but he was awake. "Where are you going? Stay here."

She melted, murmuring, "Okay." She lifted the blankets on 'her' side of the bed, getting under, keeping about a foot of space between their bodies.

That wasn't what Lucas had meant when he requested her to stay with him, he wanted her close. He was tired and weak, but tugging her toward him didn't take any effort, she came willingly. He wrapped one arm gently around her shoulders and her body pressed against his, hand lifting to rest against his heart again.

Lucas' lips grazed her hairline and she smiled to herself, butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. Their position reminded her distinctly of the night he proposed, the night she broke his heart and he broke hers right back.

But she had him back. They were there, together, and this time she was determined not to mess things up. "Luke?" she whispered, tilting her chin up. "You awake?"

"No."

She giggled nervously. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he murmured absently.

"Can we…this is going to sound messed up, considering everything. But when you're feeling better, when we really know each other again, and when we're ready…let's not wait. Let's not waste time. Let's get married."

She held her breath, eyes focused on the calm expression on his perfect face as she waited, praying he hadn't fallen asleep.

"Anything," he said, just as he had before, "for you."


	7. Buy a Rainbow Smile

**A/N:** All this LP-baby-goodness is in my head, which I'm sure you can tell not only from the two oneshots I've posted but from some of the content in this chapter. It's fluffy, maybe even a little cheesy, but I can't write angst write now, I just can't. There will be more drama to come, just not yet. Apologies for any typos, I suck at proof-reading my own stuff. Reviews are love.

**07. Think I'll Walk Me Outside and Buy a Rainbow Smile, but be Free; They're All Free**

"How're you doing, tiger?" Peyton asked with a playful giggle as she tugged the sheets that were covering her fiancé away.

"No," he groaned, weakly trying to make a grab for the comforter before she tugged it out of his reach.

"How's your head?" she asked sympathetically.

Lucas opened his eyes and immediately squinted – the sun was _far_ too bright. "I'm honestly not sure if I can remember anything from the last two days."

"Honey, you already have amnesia; try to forget the stuff you're actually capable of remembering." She was trying to tease him, but inside she was tired and sad and a little bit worried. She and Lucas had had some really good moments over the past couple days, but he'd been hopped up – or rather, down – on painkillers for most of those moments. She wanted him to remember hugging her when she got into bed, reminding her how he used to admire her from afar, all of those wonderful things that renewed her faith in true love.

"I'm sorry," Lucas said softly, and her heart lurched.

"No, don't be," she said soothingly, joining him on the bed. "I've got to say, though…your doctors and I are going to have words about the drugs you've been on."

He lifted a hand and gently ran his fingers through her hair. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," she laughed.

"Well, it was only a couple days of the really heavy stuff, right? Now things can calm down and go back to normal."

She smiled fondly at him and sighed. "That sounds so good. You have no idea."

Lucas returned her smile and commented, "You look happy."

"I am. Happy to have you here with me."

"So…what do we do today?"

"I was thinking…maybe we could do this for real, you know? Really reconnect. I want you to know me like you always have."

He twirled her hair around his index finger idly. "That sounds perfect. What to do want to do?"

There were a million things on her mind, some of which it was much too early for, some of which important, some of which were trivial and yet somehow meaningful. "So much," she whispered, feeling a little breathless. "But we're going to have to stick around the house for a little while, because – "

The voice of the person she was expecting interrupted her as Karen Roe stepped through the front door and called, "Where's my baby boy?!"

Peyton grinned at Luke, "Because your mom gets home today," she finished.

She was excited to see Karen – it had been nearly a year since she'd seen the woman who was a surrogate mother to her, and Brooke and Haley. And she was happy for Lucas that he'd see his mom; a familiar face and an automatic source of comfort. Yet, at the same time, she was a little disappointed. Haley, Nathan, and Brooke had all faded away for the past couple days, giving the newly acquainted couple their space, and Lucas time to recover. She'd enjoyed the selfish aspect, having him all to himself, telling him things, reacquainting him with his own history. It'd been blissful to just stay tucked in the house all by themselves for a while.

It had also reinforced the fact that she was unbelievably glad she'd taken Haley's advice and slipped that ring on her finger.

"Karen, hi!" she called. She'd initially planned on yelling _We're in the bedroom_, but it had occurred to her that that could morph into a slightly awkward situation.

"Peyton," the older woman said as she walked through the door, fit and tan, hair cut perfectly, big, relieved smile in place. "Hi, honey," she said warmly, opening her arms.

She scrambled off the bed, suddenly feeling very young and completely in need of the proffered hug. She let herself melt into Karen's embrace for a moment, squeezing back gratefully. "I'm glad you're here. You look amazing."

Karen touched her cheek and smiled fondly. "We'll talk, okay?" she promised softly, and Peyton nodded gratefully before stepping out of the way, giving Karen a clear path to her son.

"Hey, Mom," he said, taking in her changed appearance. Peyton wondered what Karen looked like in Lucas' memories.

"Hi, sweetie," Karen replied with a relieved sigh, walking over and wrapping her arms around her elder child. For such a small woman, she gave killer bear hugs. "Oh, it's so good to see you. You're okay!"

"I am," he agreed with a small laugh.

"No more car accidents, alright? Please, Lucas."

"There were others?" he asked in total bewilderment. Peyton had tried to refrain from telling him anything negative from the past.

Karen sighed and laughed in spite of herself. "You have no idea, honey."

Peyton cleared her throat. "I'll give you two some time. Do you want anything? Tea or coffee or food?"

"No, Peyton, thank you. You should get out of the house for a while, get some fresh hair. Maybe go see Haley, or Brooke?" Karen smiled gently. "You should let someone look after _you_ for a little bit."

She blushed and nodded, smiling quickly at Lucas before she stepped out of the room and grabbed her purse, heading toward the front door. Talking to someone other than Lucas didn't seem like the worst idea, and she wanted to give mother and son their privacy.

-x-

"Hello?" she called as she walked through the door of Nathan and Haley's home, where Lucas had been living most of the time prior to the accident, helping with Jamie. They'd agreed that he would recover best in his old house, away from the busy schedules of Nathan and Haley and their baby boy, who woke up consistently in the middle of the night. Besides, with Brooke in town and staying with them, Naley still had an extra pair of hands if needed.

"Hey!" Haley cried happily, emerging from the living room and smiling at her. "It's good to see you, you've been MIA for the past couple days. How are you? How's Luke? Let me make you tea or lemonade or something."

Peyton smiled, unable to get a word in edgewise. Karen was, as usual, right. It felt good to have someone worry about her for a change. She followed Haley and replied, "I'm fine. Luke's…he's doing good. He's finally off those really heavy painkillers, so I fee like now we can…really start over."

"_Good_," Haley said emphatically, "that's good."

Nathan was sitting at the kitchen table staring at his laptop as though it were a great source of confusion. "Hey, Peyt," he said when he spotted her. "How's Lucas?"

"Getting better," she told him with a smile, resting her hand on his shoulder. "Listen, once things get…sort of back to normal…you two should spend some time together. I could be there, or Haley, but…you should get back to how you were. He's your brother. And I think he senses that you've changed."

He grinned at her in thanks, placing his hand over hers. "Thanks. That sounds good."

"Sit down," Haley said; it was the kindest sort of order. "Is Luke alone now?"

"No, Karen just got back, I thought I'd give them some time."

"She's home? Oh, that's great. I've wanted…to give you guys your space and everything, but do you think it would be okay if I came over? I've love to see Karen, and I've been wanting to talk to Luke again."

"Haley, of course you can. He's not my possession or anything."

"May as well be, with the way he looks at you," Brooke said as she walked in, sticking out her tongue playfully and making Peyton blush. She was holding Jamie, who had his head resting against her shoulder, eyes sleepy but alert.

"Funny," Peyton sighed.

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Hey, P. How are you?"

"I'm okay. I'm good."

"Good," Brooke replied in the same decisive way Haley had. She sat down on Peyton's right, Jamie contentedly sitting on her lap. Brooke noticed Peyton's gaze on the little boy and offered, "Wanna hold my godson?"

"Someone's possessive," Nathan chuckled, still engrossed in whatever was on his computer. "You've got to remember that Peyton's his aunt."

"Not yet," she protested shyly, opening her arms.

"Don't be so modest," Brooke sighed, gently placing Jamie in her arms. "Here, buddy, go see your Aunt Peyton."

He was so small, but getting big quickly, his body warm against hers, his sweet eyes exploring her face. It had been nearly a year since she'd seen her almost-nephew. "Hey, baby James," she whispered to him, gently tickling his tummy, and he grinned up at her adorably.

"He loves you," Haley said quietly, so as not to ruin the moment, setting a tall glass of lemonade in front of her.

"But your godmother's still your favourite, right?" Brooke teased, leaning forward and tickling Jamie as well.

He giggled delightedly and squirmed away from her hands, closer to Peyton, and her heart skipped a beat as she felt a maternal instinct kick in that she'd never before even thought that she might have.

Haley, intuitive and all-knowing as always, caught the change in her and blurted, "Oh my god, you want a baby."

She laughed lightly as Jamie tugged on a curl that had slipped out of her ponytail. "No, not right now, I don't." She gently handed Jamie back to Brooke. "It'll be a few years before Luke and I even start _thinking_ about kids." She glanced down at her hands and sighed. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Part of her was thankful, because she had the chance again, to be with Lucas, his fiancée and wife and the mothers of his children. But at the same time, she felt a little empty, a little sad – his amnesia had taken time from what they might have had so much sooner.

"Let's talk about something happier," Brooke said immediately, and steered the conversation into more neutral territory.

Nathan whined playfully while they gossiped and giggled, Jamie fell asleep in Brooke's arms, and Haley pulled a box of cookies out of the cupboard. Sitting at their kitchen table, with the people who truly made up her family, Peyton was glad to be home.

She wondered why she'd stayed in L.A. And she wondered why she'd ever been so reluctant to leave, especially if it meant coming back to this.

-x-

"I can't let you do that," Peyton protested. "This is _your_ house."

"No, honey, when I left, it became Lucas'."

"But even then…it _was_ your house," she insisted as Karen picked up her bags. "And you're family. It's not like we're using your room…" she trailed off. Did Karen care that she and Lucas were sharing a bed? "Please, just stay."

"Peyton." Karen placed both of her hands on top of the blonde's. "I really appreciate the sentiment, but it's _fine_. Andy's already booked my room for me and we'll just…we'll see how long I stay, how well Lucas is doing. But for now, you're taking excellent care of him, and you two deserve as much time together as possible, to know one another again. It's okay." She squeezed her hands. "I'll be in touch."

"Okay…thank you," she added as a grateful afterthought.

"Oh, and Peyton?"

"Yeah?"

Karen sighed and smiled sadly. "I didn't tell Lucas about…Keith or Lily or Andy or…any of what's happened, and I know you haven't either."

"Yeah," she whispered. "It's hard."

His mother nodded sympathetically. "Yes, it is, but he needs to know soon."

"Yeah, of course, I assumed…you'd want to tell him."

"I do," she said with another nod. "But I think you should be there, too. If you'd like to be."

"Really? I…yeah, of course I would. Thank you," she said meaningfully. "That…it means a lot."

"You're the most important thing in his world, Peyton," Karen said softly, her gaze floating downward to the ring – her old ring – that sat on the blonde's slim finger. "He wouldn't have given you that otherwise."

She felt like a broken record, but she said it anyway: "Thank you."

Karen gave her one last hug, kissed her cheek, and headed out to her rental car. Peyton closed the door behind her, sighing. The emotional overload she was feeling certainly didn't show any signs of letting up soon.

"Hey."

"Hey," she replied fondly at the sight of Lucas standing in the doorway. "What're you doing up? You're supposed to stay in bed."

"Bed, huh?" he asked cheekily. "Only if you join me."

Her smile dropped a little bit and his cheeks turned red, the slightest bit, as he said, "Wow, was that too forward? I'm sorry."

"No, Luke…of course it wasn't," she sighed. "We're engaged. We've…we've been in love for a long time. We've had sex," she said bluntly, and noticed just a bit more colour in his cheeks, "even if you don't remember any of that. It's just…it's weird when you say stuff like that, it's like…it's like for a minute nothing's changed and we…" she trailed off, ashamed of her babbling. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he said quietly. "This is hard on you, too, I know that."

She wiped away her tears before they could fully escape her eyes. "I just don't want to loose time. I don't want to take years to get to know you again, to let you in again." She shook her head, laughing a little at herself, and reached out to take his hand. "You're feeling okay, on your feet?"

"Yeah, I feel good," he replied, giving her hand a squeeze.

"Okay," she whispered. "Let's go somewhere."

-x-

"What is it?" she asked Lucas softly. They were sitting in her car, licking ice cream cones contentedly, bodies curved toward each other's. She'd driven them out to a notorious makeout spot that was currently clear of high school students. She hadn't brought him there for anything, just to show off the gorgeous view and give them a quiet place to talk.

"Hm?"

"Something's obviously bothering you; what is it?"

He sighed. "It's just…it's weird, and I feel bad. You walked up to that guy and asked for my favourite ice cream like it was the most obvious piece of information you knew. I don't…know that stuff about you."

She was touched and her heart went out to him. "It's okay," she said, indicating to her cone, "Now you do. One step at a time."

"Rainbow, huh?"

"Yep."

"I would have thought that you'd like something more…serious."

She arched her eyebrows, giggling. "There's such a thing as serious ice cream?"

"Bad adjective," he laughed, acknowledging his fault. "Just something darker, like…Death by Chocolate."

She laughed and shivered as she swallowed. "Yeah, I guess that would make sense. Maybe my taste in ice cream is more cheery than my personality."

Lucas shook his head, smiling fondly at her. "You're different. Different than I remember you. You're still beautiful, and your personality's pretty similar, but you seem…freer, a little more comfortable with yourself, more relaxed."

"It was you," she said quietly. "You did that for me."

"It couldn't have just been me," he said, finishing off his ice cream cone. "It had to be more than that."

She shook her head stubbornly. "It was mostly you. You love with your whole heart, Luke. You're passionate about things and fearless when you need to be. You taught me how to be that way, too. You taught me not to be scared of everything, like needing people and letting myself let go and just live."

"Not to be scared, huh?" he asked softly, eyes skimming over her face. He took in her glittering green eyes, alight with happiness, her curls brushing her chin, her smile big and bright, her tongue all the shades of the rainbow.

"Yeah," she whispered back. Her hands were shaking and she couldn't breathe.

As he leaned toward her, she caught the reflection of the stars in his eyes, specks of glittering gold, and her heart melted just before his lips met hers.

It was the perfect first kiss; better than the one they'd actually had, brought on only by Brooke's drunken dare at Dan's annual money burn. It left her both satisfied and wanting more, and a little bit more in love with him than she'd ever been before. Tentative passion, that's what it was, and it was amazing.

"I love you," she breathed when they broke apart, his eyes frantically searching hers. She couldn't help it, couldn't hold in those words any longer.

It didn't matter that it was too soon, too early, for him to say it back. He didn't have to. She could see those three words, eight letters, looking right back at her, right there, shining in his eyes along with the constellations.


	8. So Maybe Tomorrow

**A/N:** Exams and sickness take the blame for my slacker-ish tendencies lately when it comes to updating. Oh, and the fact that my muse is kind of addicted to angst. The drama in this story is coming up pretty soon, but enjoy the fluffiness while it lasts! :) I have a really clear direction with this one, and I'm thinking that this is around the halfway mark.

**08. So Maybe Tomorrow, I'll Find My Way Home**

Peyton leaned against the doorframe and sighed worriedly as she studied her fiancé, who was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "Are you okay?" she asked softly, compassionately.

"I'm fine," Lucas replied shortly.

She sighed again and walked over to him, shaking her head. "You are not," she said in the same tone, carefully climbing onto the bed and stretching out next to him. She tentatively rested her hand on his bicep. She could practically _hear_ him thinking about pulling away – she was thankful when he didn't. "Baby, I…I know that you didn't want to hear that. I didn't want to tell you. Your mom doesn't want to live with the reality of it every day. But it's a fact, Luke. As much as it breaks my heart, and as much as I hate to see you hurting like this, we had to tell you. You have to know. Because Keith's gone. You've got your memories of him, but that's all."

Lucas nodded stiffly. He knew that, but he didn't want to face it. "He was like my dad," he choked out, his throat tightening. "He _was_ my dad."

Peyton ran her index finger up and down his arm lightly. She couldn't help but think that the last time he'd felt this way, the last time he'd said similar words, Brooke had been at his side. She'd wanted to badly to help him then, but their relationship had grown so complicated in the aftermath of the shooting. She felt a small sense of relief mingling with the déjà-vu-like grief she was feeling as she cuddled up to Lucas, tucking herself into his arms and holding him comfortingly. "I know, babe," she whispered, kissing his chest. "I hate that you have to remember things like that…and all those accidents, the drama with Dan…I hate that you have to go through all those realizations again."

"I can't believe that bastard took so much from me," Lucas murmured, referring to Dan and talking more to himself than to Peyton.

She felt the muscles in his arms and his abs tense up with his anger and sighed for what felt like the infinite time, pressing her lips against the fabric of his shirt again. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. There wasn't much else to say.

"Everything but you," he mused, his arms loosening into a kinder embrace as his eyes found hers. With each day, his sense of wonderment at their relationship faded away as he became increasingly comfortable with her, but she could tell that the sparkle in his eyes at that moment wasn't just from unshed tears – he was marveling again as he gazed down at her. "God only knows how I got so lucky and got you." She gave him a gentle, grateful smile which he returned a bit ruefully. "I hate…that I lost Keith. But out of that day…I am _so_ glad you were safe. That I kept you safe."

Tears sprang to her eyes instantly. Her lips parted – she meant to speak – but her throat was sore and tight.

"Hey," Lucas murmured, his voice soothing and apologetic. He hadn't meant to make her cry.

It was her turn to stare at him in utter and complete stupefaction. "Lucas Scott," she said thickly, her lips trembling. She shook her head in awe. "You have no idea how long I have wanted to hear you say those words."

His smile was puzzled. "What?" he asked softly, not understanding, as he dragged his thumb gently against the skin of her cheek, wiping away the salty droplets of water that had escaped her eyes.

"I just…it'll sound stupid," she attempted to brush it aside, burying her face in her shirt.

"Hey, no, it won't. Tell me, Peyt."

"After…after the shooting…everything was so messed up. Of course. Luke, God, I just wanted to hold you and let you cry and be there for you…but you were with Brooke, then. And I…what I said to you in the library complicated some things."

"What did you say?" he interrupted, genuine curiosity shining in his blue orbs.

"I was trying to thank you, trying to make sure that if I…if I died…you'd know…you'd know how I felt." She finished her vague statement and rushed on, "And I knew…I knew it wasn't my fault, Keith's death. But sometimes…sometimes I kind of blamed myself just because I felt like you should, y'know? You came back into that school for me, and he came back for you."

He shook his head emphatically, looking shocked. "No…Peyton, Keith would have gone into the school no matter what, no matter if I was in there or if I was safe outside. It was…was who he was."

"Yeah," she agreed softly, her mouth curving into a bittersweet smile. "It was. And I know that, I _knew_ that, and everyone would have reassured me of that, but I…I've always wanted to hear those words from your mouth."

He nodded. He understood. It was a complicated situation, all of it, and everyone had been falling apart in their own way – he knew that much from the devastated looks both Peyton and his mother had worn as they told him about it, scared and hurt all over again, though it had happened years before. "I mean it," he told her seriously. "I mean it."

She let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding in and kissed him in thanks. "You're so good to me," she murmured against his lips.

"Back atcha," he said huskily, smirking slightly as he pulled her body closer to hers, groaning slightly as the full length of her body pressed up against his. "Where'd my mom go?" he asked breathlessly.

Peyton smiled coyly, amused by the question and feeling like a sixteen-year-old in love again. Karen had returned to her hotel to nap after the emotionally exhausting afternoon. "_Out_," she said, her smile widening into a devilish grin, and kissed him soundly, silencing any possible replies.

-x-

"Soooo…" Brooke dragged out the word as she handed Peyton a wine glass to dry.

"So?" Peyton asked with a laugh, carefully setting it back on the shelf. They were doing dishes together in the small kitchen of the Scott house after a full family dinner – Nathan, Haley, and Jamie, accompanied by Brooke, had come over to say hi to Karen and flip through picture albums featuring Lily and Andy and several European locales.

Nathan and Lucas still had a certain degree of tension fizzling between them, so the younger Scott brother had been elected to take a restless and sleepy baby Jamie home to bed. Brooke and Peyton had excused themselves to the kitchen, leaving Lucas to laugh and talk about the memories he did possess with the only two people he could actually remember in the living room. It made Peyton happy to see him fully relaxed and comfortable as the three of them laughed quietly, sad smiles on their lips as they discussed some crazy story that involved Keith.

"Oh, c'mon, P. Sawyer," Brooke whined. "Don't play coy with me, missy," she scolded, flicking her dishtowel out so that it hit Peyton's butt.

"Hey!" she cried, jumping out of the way and shooting Brooke an exasperated look. "Seriously, B. Davis, I don't know what you're talking about."

"_So_," Brooke repeated pointedly with an irritated sigh, her eyes glimmering, "have you done it yet?"

"_What_?" Peyton squeaked, gaping at her friend incredulously.

"Do you need a diagram?" Brooke asked dryly, crossing her arms over her chest and leaning back against the counter. "Have you given in to the sexual tension or what? Give me some dirt, P.," she whined with her best pout.

"Brooke," she hissed, unable to keep from laughing despite her disbelief. "_No_, we haven't done it yet!"

The brunette kinked her eyebrows. "Do you think he's nervous?" she mused.

Peyton rolled her eyes. "I have no idea."

"You haven't even talked about it?" Brooke spluttered.

"Of course we've _talked_ about it," she sighed. "But it's way too soon. He still doesn't know me or his own history that well, not yet. Besides, he's still nursing all those injuries…"

"Ah," Brooke remarked sagely, smirking triumphantly. "You _totally_ want to jump his bones."

Peyton shot a pointed glance toward the living room, where Lucas, Haley, and Karen were sitting.

"P. Sawyer, why don't you just _go_ for it? Let's just forget all that medical crap you're using as an excuse for a moment. It's not like he's going to _protest_. It might even jog his memory," she added, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

The blonde sighed and abandoned her lame excuses. "I just…it _really_ is too soon. Both medically and _emotionally_. And _when_ it's not too soon…I just want it to be…_right_."

Brooke's eyes softened even as she said, "And I thought Luke was the romantic in your relationship."

"Brooke," Peyton pleaded. She needed some support.

Brooke held up both hands in surrender, smiling gently. "Okay, all jokes aside…honey, I guess I understand that. It's your first time with him all over again. And as far as he knows…his first time altogether. Is _that_ what worries you?"

She shook her head. She wasn't sure what exactly was holding her back, but it was there. "No, that's not it. We're not…high school seniors in a hotel room in some Texas town on a rescue mission, you know? We had the perfect moment when we were those kids, but now…I just love him _so much_ and you're going to think it's corny…"

"I won't," Brooke assured her.

"I want it to be perfect," Peyton admitted. "He puts me on a pedestal and holds me in such high regard and he's so…"

"Smitten?" Brooke supplied.

She nodded. "I want it to be perfect for him." She bit her lower lip and felt heat rising to her cheeks. "And I want it to be perfect for me."

"You'll figure it out, P.," her best friend assured her quietly.

"Yeah," she breathed. "I know."

"Can I give you some advice, though?" At Peyton's nod, she continued, "Just let it all go…okay? You don't have to be afraid of anything. You two are forever. You've always been, but now you have a ring on your finger to prove it. Lucas is learning about the hell that's gone on in his life, all the things he can't remember, and there is nothing that could make that boy love you less. So when _you're_ ready…I can pretty much guarantee that he will be, too." She reached for Peyton's hands and gave it a quick squeeze before turning to walk out of the room. "Oh, and P.?" she called over her shoulder. "Clothes over Bro's lingerie, girlie, if you want him to love you just a little bit _more_." She winked before stepping out of the kitchen.

Peyton chuckled to herself and watched Brooke bounce into the living room and seat herself next to Haley. Lucas looked up when she walked in and his eyes drifted past her, into the kitchen, where they found Peyton. He smiled softly and her lips curved upward automatically as her heart fluttered rapidly in her chest, just like it had those years ago at Dan's money burn every time they made eye contact with one another.

She didn't want to get scared this time, didn't want to find herself running away from what she wanted most. But a single glance down to the ring Brooke had just referenced caused an unpleasant tightness in her chest. Her best friend was wrong; she did have one thing left to be afraid of.

-x-

"_Maybe Tomorrow_," she challenged, leaning away from the laptop that currently displayed her iTunes to steal a bite of his chocolate ice cream.

Lucas gave her a playfully disgruntled look and smirked before answering with ease: "Stereophonics. Challenge me next time," he dared, and she rolled her eyes, crossing her legs, which were exposed by her pyjama shorts.

She'd been filling Lucas in on random moments and traditions in their lives – it had become somewhat of a nightly ritual for the two of them. And when she'd mentioned this particular game, a staple in both their friendship and relationship, he'd insisted that they play. The normalcy and the easiness of it thrilled her, though she had to admit that she was a little bit bitter that he could remember the names of Stereophonics songs and not any of his memories with her. She shook the thought out of her head, letting her curls tumble onto her shoulders, and tried, "_Hands Down_."

Lucas held the spoon one, gallantly offering her the last bite of ice cream. As she closed her mouth around the cold metal, he smiled affectionately and said, "Easy. Dashboard."

She tilted her head and smiled back at him. "You know what's special about that song?"

"Tell me."

"It was the song playing in my car the day I almost ran you over. The day I first really looked at you."

Lucas grinned appreciatively. "It _definitely_ wasn't the first day I really looked at you." His hand landed on her bare thigh, drumming out a pattern against her skin, and her heart did a triple somersault. "My hopes were undoubtedly so high that your kiss might've killed me," he added. He was joking, playing with the lyrics, but she noticed the way his eyes darkened.

"It's so cute that you stalked me," she teased, trying to lighten the mood and do away with the sudden onslaught of sexual tension between them. She turned the laptop off as he chuckled and set it aside before taking the bowl of ice cream from his hands and sliding off the bed to put it away in the sink. "Oh, remind me to tell you about Psycho Derek tomorrow," she called over her shoulder.

"Psycho _who_?" he asked incredulously, and she could only laugh. Their lives were soap-opera worthy; she just hadn't realized it until she'd started recounting all the events to Lucas. It was only then that it all sounded ludicrous. She had hoped that the thought of her crazy-fake-brother would effectively kill any arousal on both of their parts, but she could feel the pressure of her fiancé's gaze following the sway of her hips and tracing down her legs as she padded out of the room, her feet bare. She really needed to start investing in some full-length nightwear.

In the kitchen, she washed the bowl quickly to give them both some time to cool off and splashed some cool water onto her face for good measure before she headed back to bed.

Lucas smiled at her when he saw her in the doorway, his eyelids heavy with a little bit of lust and a lot of sleepiness. She leaned against the doorframe for the second time that day, just looking at him, thanking whoever needed thanks that she had him back, and that she had him always. She rested the side of her head against the doorframe and bit back a smile.

Across the room and lying on the bed, Lucas had the same thoughts of thanks and admiration floating through his mind. She was so beautiful, sexy and cute at the same time as she stood there watching him, and the words poured out of his mouth before he could even think about saying them.

"If I said _I love you_…right now…would you hold it against me?"

Her jaw dropped and a hand slowly moved upward to cover her mouth. He didn't _know_ those words. She hadn't told him, and she hadn't allowed him to read about the day of the shooting in his book. No one had told him. And if no one had told him, that meant, intentionally or completely by accident…he had _remembered_.

A great big delighted smile lit up her face and happy tears welled in her eyes, slipping down her cheeks as she half-gasped, half-squealed in grateful astonishment. She took a moment to remind herself of his injuries before she enthusiastically flew across the room to join him on the bed, her body half on top of his, and closed her mouth over his in a searing, passionate kiss.

"You remember," she gasped out when she pulled back, her eyes searching his frantically. "Do you remember?"

He stared at her, mouth open in surprise, and realized that he did have an image of her in his head, younger and with straight hair, tears on her cheek and a combination of fear and trust in her bright green eyes. "I remember," he said in amazement.

"You remember," she repeated, deliriously happy. "Do you…anything else, do you remember anything else?"

He scanned the depths of his mind, the recesses of his brain, searching for new information as she waited patiently, eyes never leaving his face. Finally, after a long pause, he shook his head, defeated.

"That's okay," she told him, lips grazing his cheeks. She grinned again, radiating pure joy, and he knew that her cheeks were wet as the result of only happy tears. "That's okay," she repeated with a laugh, her expression softening into one simply of love as she said, "You will. I know you will." She spoke with such certainty that he wouldn't have dared to debate her.

He found a new sense of confidence in her joy and her sureness. "Until then…" he murmured, arching his eyebrows as his fingers traced up her spine, pushing at her shirt, revealing bare skin for his hands to touch, "how 'bout you help me reminisce?"


	9. I Look Around at a Beautiful Life

**A/N: **Quick update this time! This wrote itself in a rush as all my significant chapters seem to. Let me know what you think…

**09. I Look Around at a Beautiful Life **

Lucas watched her with mild amusement that he was trying his hardest to hide. She was beautiful, as always, but she was girly in that moment in a way he never thought he'd see her. The least cheery cheerleader he'd ever met, full of biting, sarcastic retorts, angst-y glares, somber eyes. Yet here she was, sitting next to him, the antithesis of the girl he'd once watched from afar. She was glowing, radiating energy and joy, feet tapping out the beat of a song he thought he might recognize against the tiled floor. Her green eyes were bright and every bit of her body seemed to buzz. Every time she caught his eye she'd smile and laugh softly like the two of them were privy to some wonderful inside joke, and he'd be thankful once again that she was all his, that _he_ had brought out this side of her.

She crossed her left leg over her right and sighed impatiently, glancing over at the clock once more. If there had ever been a moment in her life that she wanted to break into a happy dance, this was most certainly it. She felt Lucas squeeze her hand slightly as if trying to calm her down.

She shot him an apologetic smile. She didn't intend to be so spastic, she was just so _thrilled_. She was getting him back. As much as she thoroughly adored this version of him, so cute and just a little bit clueless, she wanted _her_ Lucas back. She ached for him to remember the spot on her neck that drove her crazy, how ticklish the soles of her feet were, all of the important moments that comprised who they were as a couple, all of the silly little traditions they had, the way it had felt when she had first kissed him, the first time she'd brought him to her mother's grade, the way he'd hugged her in her bedroom while they looked down at the body of the boy who'd stalked her, all the thought and love she'd put into every missed CD she'd ever given him…

…and the way she, the love of his life, had turned down his proposal.

Her energy slipped away just as quickly as it had surfaced. She deflated a little, clinging tightly to his hand and leaning back in her chair. Lucas sighed as if relieved that she'd finally gotten over her enthusiasm and it broke her heart. If only he knew, though she wished so much that he never would. She was ashamed of her own naïve joy.

"Lucas Scott?" His neurologist stood in the doorway of the waiting room, smiling at them. "Come on in."

He stood up and her grip on his hand tightened to an extreme. He turned to look down at her where she still sat, his eyes asking if she was alright. She gave him the most playful smile she could muster up, trying to excuse her behavior because she was still so excited, but in reality she was suddenly very scared. She looked at the innocence in his eyes and remembered that people always leave.

He tugged on her hand a little and her smile relaxed as she stood up to join him. He was still there, he was still hers, and he wanted her to come with him.

"Miss Sawyer, good to see you again," the doctor said pleasantly, extending a hand.

"You, too," she replied evenly, slipping her hand into his, though her words weren't entirely true.

They sat in chairs of buttery leather, squishy and comfortable, as Lucas listed his memories, glancing at her occasionally for confirmation of details. She didn't do much besides nod and offer small adjustments to his story. The doctor listened intently, twirling a pen between his fingers. Peyton focused her gaze on the prescription pad that sat in front of him and wondered if he could give her something for the anxiety she was currently experiencing.

"Well, Mr. Scott," he said when Lucas finished, leaning forward and propping his elbows up on his desk. "You are a very lucky man. Temporal amnesia is pretty darn unpredictable, and I'd say that about half of the patients I treat never regain their memories. And of those who have, very few have made such fast progress."

"So why do you think I have?" Lucas inquired, frowning.

His doctor smiled, more to himself than to either of them. "I've seen your medical history, Lucas, and most people in this town are aware of the situations with both your uncle and your father, as well as your involvement with the search for and arrest of Ian Banks. From what I am aware of, I think it's safe to say that you've had your fair share of traumatic and semi-traumatic experiences… would you agree, Miss Sawyer?"

Peyton nodded, still unable to find words.

"Yes, well…as I'm sure you're both aware, traumatic events stick with us longer and obviously have a greater impact. From what you've told me, your current memory takes place during the school shooting. Considering how painful that day must have been for you – almost losing your girlfriend, losing your uncle, and losing a former friend – combined with the fact that you've been spending all your time with Peyton…it makes a great deal of sense that a traumatic event involving her presence would be the first to come back to you."

"The first?" Peyton questioned. She cleared her throat. "You think he'll continue to regain memory?"

He shrugged. "I know I'm supposed to be the expert, but no one can fully explain the workings of each individual brain. I'd feel comfortable assuming that, over the next days or weeks, even months, you'll recall the details of some other particularly painful memories. As for the more subtle things, and the things that I'm sure Peyton and the rest of your family would prefer that you'd remember…I can't honestly tell you. With amnesia, it's always a waiting game." The doctor sat back in his chair. "I am, however, very pleased with your progress, Mr. Scott. You're one of the lucky ones."

"Yes, I am," Lucas agreed, his thumb grazing Peyton's knuckles, and she smiled, blushing a bit.

The doctor smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry I can't be of more help, but please do keep me updated with anything that you recollect, Lucas. And of course, if you experience nagging headaches or any sort of stabbing pains, you know who to call," he added pointedly.

Lucas grinned. "Yes, I do."

"No playing it tough, remember?" He stood to shake both of their hands. "Any pain at all and I want you at the hospital as fast as your fiancée can get you there."

Peyton smiled politely as Lucas nodded, resigned. "I'll take care of him."

The doctor smiled knowingly. "I'm sure you will."

As they said goodbye to the receptionist and stepped out of the office, Peyton nudged Lucas' shoulder gently with her own. "What're you thinking, babe?" she asked softly, concern lacing her words.

Lucas shrugged. He was a little disappointed that it was impossible to know how many of his memories would return to him, but he was glad that he was making progress, as the doctor had said. "I'm…I'm okay. We're going to stay positive, right?"

"Of course we are," she agreed wholeheartedly. "And Luke…you know it doesn't matter, right? I would love for you to get your memory back, but I'm going to love you forever with or without it."

He smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close as they walked. "And I love you for that," he said softly, kissing the crown of her head. "Hey…Peyt, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Who's Ian Banks?"

She laughed, pulling away from him and leaning up to kiss his cheek, preparing to launch into the story. For now, nothing was wrong, and their relationship was perfect. For now, she was going to stay positive.

-x-

"Oh, Luke, you have _no idea_ how happy that makes me," Haley gushed, beaming at him over the rim of her glass.

"Thanks, Hales," he muttered, a little embarrassed.

"Now we just have to wait for you to remember the first time _we_ met," Brooke said with a smirk.

Lucas laughed. "Do I even want to know?"

Brooke smiled coyly and kinked her eyebrows. "I was naked in the backseat of your car," she shrugged, causing him to splutter, almost spitting out his wine.

The brunette looked satisfied as she leaned back in her chair. "Ah, yes. _That's_ the kind of reaction Brooke Davis deserves."

"So what is that…" Haley asked, calculating even as she laughed, "five things that you've remembered?"

Lucas nodded and made his checklist aloud. "Sitting with Peyton in the library during the shooting, waking up in the hospital and seeing Nathan there after my car accident, pointing a gun at Dan, watching Derek – Ian – fall out of the window, pulling Dan out of the dealership fire, seeing that limo under water and diving in. Yeah, five."

"Well those are…pleasant," Brooke said sarcastically. "But it really is great that you're remembering. I'm just looking forward to when your memories aren't so depressing."

"Me, too, believe me," he laughed.

"What's your doctor been saying?" Nathan inquired.

Lucas shrugged. "I haven't been back to see him since we first went, and that was almost a month ago. I've talked to him on the phone a couple times, but it's all about…waiting." He sighed and Peyton reached out under the table to rest her hand gently on his leg to reassure him. He shot her a quick smile of thanks.

Brooke sighed sadly, resting her chin in her hands. "I can't believe I have to go back to New York already. I'm going to miss you guys so much."

"We'll miss you too," Haley replied earnestly, pulling her into a one-armed hug. "You've been great to stay here for so long. You've helped all of us so much."

"Yeah," Peyton added softly, feeling tears prick at her eyes. "I wish you didn't have to go."

Nathan glanced at the women and groaned. "We'll clear the table while you guys have your sob fest," he teased, standing up and taking their plates.

"Shut up!" Haley said indignantly even as a tear dripped down her cheek.

Lucas chuckled. He gave Peyton's shoulder a comforting squeeze as he followed Nathan's lead, piling plates atop one another and grabbing a couple glasses by their stems. Things were still awkward between the half-brothers, but at least they could make conversation about the meal they'd just eaten if they got stuck; no matter what, Lucas appreciated that Nathan was making a conscious effort to rebuild their relationship.

-x-

The three girls found themselves sitting together on one side of the table, gripping each other's hands.

"You better send me pictures of Jamie _every week_," Brooke insisted. She was thoroughly attached to her godson.

"I will. I promise," Haley assured her.

"And if you need me," Brooke added, turning to Peyton. "I can _always_ come back."

"Thank you," Peyton replied earnestly. "For everything, for coming to L.A. to tell me and to get me. And to convince me that I was doing the right thing. But I'll be okay. _We'll _be okay."

The conversation veered off in another direction with those words as Haley commented, "Yeah, you and Luke…you look like things are really good. Almost…back to normal, even."

Peyton laughed. "Not even close. Things are good, really good, better than I could have hoped…but they're not perfect. We had three years to become the couple we were before. We're not there again, not even close."

Brooke scrutinized her face before stating softly, "Oh my God, you _still_ haven't had sex."

Peyton rolled her eyes. She would have slapped her friend upside the head of she wasn't going to miss her so much. "I can't believe we're discussing this again. Go back to NY and get laid already," she teased, eliciting a jaw-drop and a burst of laughter from Haley while Brooke pouted.

"It's been a month, P. Don't even try to tell me that he doesn't want to. Don't even try to tell me that _you_ don't want to," she added pointedly.

"Give her time," Haley inputted quietly.

"She's _engaged_ to the guy."

"He just lost his memory! And he's dealing with a lot, considering the memories he's getting back."

Peyton laughed to herself. "I'm still here," she reminded them, raising her eyebrows.

Haley studied her for a moment before gently asking, "What is it?"

The blonde sighed, looking down at her hand, firmly clasped with Brooke's. "What if he hates me?" she asked. "What if he remembers and he hates me?"

"Oh, P.," Brooke sighed sadly, "he wouldn't."

"He _might_." She glanced toward the kitchen to make sure the boys were occupied. "I've been _lying_ to him," she whispered. "And we all know that sex changes everything. We're beginning again, and I can't let myself get in that deep if…" She trailed off and swallowed hard. "I just can't handle it."

Haley tucked Peyton's curls back behind her ear in a wordless gesture of comfort. "It's going to be okay," she promised after a moment of silence, and Brooke sniffled, releasing their hands and hugging them both at once.

"I'll miss this," she said into their shoulders, and they both understood what she meant.

-x-

"Peyton!"

She jumped about a foot into the air as Lucas barged into the room, and there was an awkward pause as they were caught staring at one another. She was changing from her dinner clothes into comfier clothes to lounge in; still wearing her skirt, but she'd taken her shirt off and she felt inexplicably exposed in her bra. The way he looked at her, as though she was worthy of worship, made her want to cry.

He could tell that he'd spooked her and approached her tentatively. She meant to scramble for a shirt, but his words stopped her. "I remember," he said softly. His breathing was shallow from excitement and the memory itself.

Her eyes lit up just as they did every time he said those words, and she abandoned all thoughts of a shirt. "What? What do you remember?" she demanded breathlessly, searching his face.

Lucas smirked. "Honey Grove," he said slowly, the words foreign to him. "Honey Grove and prom night," he continued as her eyes widened. "Not…not everything, but I remember kissing you in a…a hotel room? You're…" He regarded the memory as if it were a film playing in his mind and added hesitantly, "unbuttoning my shirt, kissing my chest."

She couldn't breathe as he walked toward her, lifted his hand and cupped her cheek tenderly, the pad of his thumb moving over her skin. He took a couple steps closer to her and rested her hand gently on her waist, his fingers kneading hungrily into her skin. "I love you so much," he murmured as his lips drew closer to hers, his eyes scanning over her face. "I _loved_ you so much, I always have," he added reverently.

Her knees were weak even before their lips met, and she found herself clinging to him. That was what she'd wanted so badly, for him to remember how very, very much they loved each other in moments like that, and all the time. He groaned into the kiss and pulled her closer, still. It was then that the tears started.

Lucas noticed that she was crying before Peyton realized it herself. He pulled back; his eyes glassed over and confused, muttering, "Hey. What is it?"

She shook her head, choking on a sob. His eyes cleared a bit as he pulled her closer to him again, letting her tuck her head into his chest and cry into the soft, worn-in fabric of his shirt. "Shh," he said gently, obviously still completely puzzled by her sudden breakdown as he rubbed her back.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, cuddling further into his arms. "I don't even…I don't even know why."

"It's okay," Lucas promised her, kissing her cheek, salty with tears. "It's okay."

"It's not," she whispered, clutching the material of his shirt fiercely in her hand, speaking too softly for him to hear her.

-x-

Her face felt sore and dry when she woke up the next morning, sprawled out in bed on her stomach, wearing one of Lucas' t-shirts with her skirt from the previous night. She winced as she sat up. Her eyes ached from crying for too long and she didn't know what to say to her fiancé after what had happened last night.

She sighed as she swung her legs over the side of the bed. She left the shirt on, but slipped off her skirt and pulled on a pair of black sweatpants. She tiptoed to the bathroom and washed all the remnants of her minor breakdown from her face before pulling her hair back into a fairly neat ponytail.

Lucas was frying eggs in the kitchen, listening to one of her CDs set at a low volume. She cleared her throat and said, "Hi."

He whirled around and instantly gave her a gentle smile. "Hey," he said carefully. "You're up."

She launched right into it: "I'm sorry. About last night. I don't…I don't know what got into me."

"It's okay," he promised her immediately, slipping the eggs onto plates and walking over to her. He took her hand in his. "I know things still aren't really easy. You have been so brave for me all this time. And I know you were emotional last night, with Brooke leaving and everything." He raised his other hand and gently trailed a finger down her neck, eliciting a pleasant shiver.

She looked up into his understanding eyes and smiled back. "Thank you."

He leaned in and captured her lips in a brief, chaste kiss. "It's not a big deal. I love you."

Peyton stood on the tips of her toes for another kiss, which lasted a bit longer. "I love you, too," she replied, and Lucas grinned instantly.

"Eggs?"

"Yes, please," she said enthusiastically, peeking over his shoulder to get a look at the breakfast he was preparing.

She spent the rest of the day focusing on everything but her fears and insecurities, and it turned out pretty perfectly. Brooke called the moment she arrived in New York and the two of them talked for nearly as hour while Peyton did laundry, stopping only when it grew to painful to hold the phone propped up between her ear and shoulder in order to free her hands. She and Lucas went for a walk and he ordered her favourite flavour of ice cream for her without having to ask, which she knew made him proud. As Peyton reached out for her cone, the girl behind the counter complimented her engagement ring, and she found herself blushing as Lucas wrapped his arm around her waist.

They spent the evening like he had many of the nights of his childhood, sitting outside on his porch, which looked out onto the quiet, small-town street. They talked about nothing and everything as she continued to do her best to fill in the blanks of his life. He initiated a kiss that she never wanted to end, and as his hand crept up her shirt with all the tenderness and nervousness that it had their very first time, she realized that maybe she really did need to let things go, and that maybe it was really time. His other hand entwined with hers, his fingers brushing against the ring she wore. She loved him and he loved her. There was nothing more to it.

When the phone rang he protested, insisting that it was probably Brooke calling yet again, already homesick. He tried to pin her under him on the porch swing, but she made her escape, giggling all the while and promising not to be long.

It turned out to be a monotonous recording, some company trying to sell something and offering her a free cruise. She hung up instantly and walked into the bedroom, digging through her drawers for the lingerie Brooke had insisted on giving her, her heart fluttering in her chest all the while. She changed and slipped her jeans and tank top back on, checked her reflection in the mirror, fixed her hair, and took a deep breath. She walked back outside and leaned against the doorframe, ready to ask him to come inside, to come to bed.

"Luke?" she said softly. She sensed that something was off. He looked lost, staring out into the calm and the darkness. When he glanced at her, he looked stunned. "Hey, baby, what is it?" she asked worriedly, hurrying over to join him on the swing. He inched away from her as she sat down and her heart skipped a beat. "Lucas?" she asked more insistently, trying to not to let her voice shake.

He shook his head in disbelief and glanced back over at her, his eyes hardened and wounded, so different from any expression she had seen him wear since the accident, so similar to the last look of him she'd been left with beforehand. "I remember," he said simply.

She didn't have to ask what.


	10. I've Been the Upper Side of Down

**A/N: **Wow, you guys reviewed like crazy! Thank you all so much. There's no LP this chapter, I'm afraid, but Happy Valentine's Day nonetheless. I'll try to get the next update up soon! Reviews are always appreciated, especially considering how much you blew me away with your response to the last chapter!

**10. I've Been the Upper Side of Down**

"You remember," she repeated stiffly, sounding like a broken record. She hated herself for that, and for the look in his eyes right at that moment.

"You said _no_," he breathed, his flicking down toward the ring that rested comfortably on her finger, proclaiming to the world that she was his and he was hers. "I proposed and you said…_no_," he spluttered out the last word as though he couldn't believe it, and she could see the betrayal and panic, mounting in unison, in his eyes. "Why are you wearing that?" he demanded harshly, pointing to her ring. "What are we _doing_?"

"Luke," she said softly, going for a rational approach.

"God, I couldn't stop thinking about it," he muttered to himself in realization. "Nothing's ever hurt me that badly, I…I thought maybe you'd be scared or nervous but I never thought you'd say _no_, I…"

Peyton drew the conclusion seconds before he voiced it.

"I couldn't stop thinking about it. About you. And then the car in front of me…"

_Don't tell me it's my fault_, she pleaded, hoping that he'd be able to see it in her eyes. _I can't handle it. Please, just don't tell me it's my fault._

Thankfully, for whatever reason, he didn't get that far. But they were both thinking the same thing and it settled heavily into the air between them, mixing with all the other messy emotions they were both feeling.

"Lucas, please, just listen to me for a second." Her voice trembled, her chin quivered, and she could feel the pressure of tears building in her eyes. "There's a reasonable explanation, really, and Luke, all that I was really thinking was how much I lov –"

"You said _no_!" he yelled as he stood up, cutting her off and putting some distance between them. She winced as his words penetrated the calm and the darkness of the street.

"Luke," she whispered. She couldn't make her voice any louder. His name was her lifeline at this point, and she was barely hanging on.

"What are you trying to do to me?" His words were all anger and intensity, but she saw the anguish in his blue orbs. She was breaking his heart all over again.

"Lucas," she said, her voice nothing but a compassionate whisper that got swept away by the warm summer wind.

"I can't be here," he said, sounding a bit stunned. She leapt up and called after him, but he was halfway down the street in seconds, and he didn't turn around once.

-x-

Lucas stood on Haley's doorstep, his mind spinning. He was grateful that he'd managed to remember the way here. He felt dazed and hurt and betrayed. The memory kept playing over and over in his head, the anxiousness and the pain in Peyton's green eyes absolutely nothing compared to what was happening to his heart.

Nathan opened the door and his eyebrows flew upward instantly when he saw his brother standing in front of him. "Hey, man," he said cautiously.

He'd momentarily forgotten about Nathan. Haley was the only person in this town who he genuinely remembered his relationship with – at least, the only person whom he'd related to _well_. He didn't have any patience for mending fences with his half-brother. "Is Haley here?" he asked bluntly.

Nathan studied him, looking a little worried. "No. Jamie's asleep and she has a night class. She'll be home in about half an hour. Luke…what's going on?"

Lucas considered the situation warily. He was in desperate need of some help. He might explode from pent-up anger and grief if he had to wait a whole half hour. With Brooke gone, Nathan was really his only other option for a confidante, but he didn't think he was ready to take that step yet.

He felt some of the muscles in his body uncoil as he took a deep breath, trying not to sigh in exasperation as he exhaled. He regarded his brother for a moment before finally giving in to the need for something familiar and _right_.

"Want to play one-on-one?"

-x-

"I'm an idiot," Peyton whispered, her heart in her voice. She was curled into a ball on the bed, still wearing the lingerie she'd pulled on with so much naïve hope under her clothes. She clutched the phone tightly in one hand as she rested her head against the pillow, inhaling the smell that was authentically and unmistakably Lucas'.

"You're not," Brooke assured her kindly.

"I shouldn't have lied."

"Well…no." The brunette couldn't exactly argue with that. "But P. Sawyer, it's not like you had a lot of options. You got a chance to rectify a mistake and you jumped at it. No one can fault you for that."

"I love him," she sighed. "I love him and I just wish that could be enough."

"Peyton…"

"But it's not," she continued. "It never is. It wasn't when I told him I didn't want to marry him _yet_, and it's not now. He walked away from me."

"He's confused," Brooke reasoned soothingly. "He's recovering from a bunch of injuries and he has amnesia. He just needs some time to process this."

Tears slipped down her cheeks as she flopped onto her back. "I should have told him, up front. I should have said, _you proposed to me six days ago and I said someday, but you took it as a no, and it's my very biggest regret; I want to marry you now_."

"Peyton. That would have sounded crazy. He barely knew who you _were_."

"Well, now he thinks I'm some sneaky, lying bitch," she retorted.

Brooke ignored her. "When he's cooled off, you two will talk. You'll explain yourself, and he'll understand. He loves you just as much as you love him. He's realizing that again. So just give it some time, okay?"

"Thank you," she whispered, blinking rapidly.

"That's what I'm here for," Brooke answered, her tone gently playful. "Hey!" she chirped excitedly, hope flooding her voice, "Do you need me to come back there?"

Peyton chuckled. Her cheeks felt stiff as she smiled slightly. "No, B. Davis. Thank you, really, but I've got it under control."

Brooke's sigh was the long-suffering kind, but she sounded proud as she commented, "That's my girl. I'll talk to you soon, okay, P.? I'm always a phone call away."

"Yeah," she breathed. "Bye."

-x-

"Damn it," Lucas growled as he missed his fourth shot at the basket. He threw the basketball in a random direction in his fit of frustration, and it ended up sinking into the river.

"Nice," Nathan said dryly, walking over to him. "Since that's definitely over…are you ready to talk about it?"

Lucas cupped the back of his neck with his hand, massaging slightly in hopes of freeing some of the tension. He sighed. "Peyton lied to me," he finally said after a long pause. "But _something_ tells me you _probably_ already knew that," he added, each word escaping his lips with a sarcastic bite.

Nathan looked startled, genuinely caught off card, like a little kid with his hand in the cookie jar. He winced, both in sympathy for Lucas and his own personal shame. "I…er…well…yeah," he admitted. Anything else would have been an obvious lie.

"Someone should have told me," Lucas growled.

Nathan took a deep breath, wishing that his wife was in his place instead. She'd have a much better idea how to handle this. "Okay, man…listen to me for a sec, alright?" He blew out his breath, carefully choosing his next words. "I know that this…this sucks. It definitely does. I know you're…you're hurt, and everything's fucked up and confusing right now since…well…you have amnesia. Did…did Peyton tell you?"

"No," he huffed. "I _remembered_."

His brother winced again for the same reasons. "Okay. Wow." He sat down on the bench and waited for Lucas to join him. He didn't, choosing to continue to pace obsessively instead. "Look, bro, I…I know you're freaking out. And you…you have a right to be, but…"

"_But_?" Lucas snapped, his eyes flashing dangerously. "I can't _remember_ anything and she took _advantage _of that."

Nathan shook his head emphatically. "_No_, she did not. She _loves_ you, Lucas, and she made a mistake. She almost lost you. She wanted nothing more than to turn it around. So she did."

He deflated instantly, quite like a pricked balloon, and half-sat, half-collapsed onto the bench next to Nathan. "I don't even know what to _think_," he groaned, slumping forward and burying his face in his hands. "I freaked out at her," he admitted, his voice muffled. "I implied some stuff that was...not good."

"Well, it wasn't exactly unfounded," Nathan sympathized, patting Lucas' shoulder tentatively.

Lucas lifted his head and turned to look at him as if searching for answers. "What?" Nathan demanded, shifting uncomfortably.

"Sorry. I, uh…this is just weird. You…you called me 'bro' a minute ago and you…you just said 'unfounded'." He grinned weakly. "The Nathan Scott I remember never would have done either of those things."

Nathan rolled his eyes. "You _are_ my brother," he replied, pointing out the obvious fact that they'd spent the majority of their lives denying. "And I've been married to Haley too long," he added jokingly, referring to his changed vocabulary. "And Luke, I know this is…beyond weird for you, maybe, but…" He shrugged, grimacing as he always did in blatant moments of affection with anyone didn't know him very well. "I love you," he said, speaking as quickly as possible. "And I think you need to know that that's the reason I agree with what Peyton did, even if right now it doesn't seem like the best of decisions."

-x-

"I want him to come home," Peyton said anxiously, peering out through the curtains into the dark night. She didn't trust the small town streets – she'd seen enough craziness in Tree Hill. She hated that he was out there, who knows where, alone. And she hated that she was sitting at home, lonely, hurting, and missing him.

The phone, her current lifeline, was clamped between her ear and shoulder as she used her hands to separate the curtains.

"It's gonna be okay," Haley said, her voice humming with compassion.

"I miss him," she admitted, her voice cracking and her throat aching.

"Oh, Peyton," Haley lamented, nothing but kindness in her words. "I'm so sorry, but it's going to be okay. He's going to come back to you."

"But what if he doesn't?" Peyton demanded, her words coming out in a rush. "What if everything I did trying to salvage our relationship just makes it fall apart?"

"Well, what if you _hadn't_ done anything?" Haley replied softly so as not to wake her slumbering baby boy. "Then you'd be in L.A. right now, moping over Lucas from afar instead of in his, in _your_ shared house."

"I am so pathetic," Peyton whispered, slumping into a chair.

"What? No! Because you lied to him? What are you saying?"

"Because it kills me to think of not living with him," she continued in the same quiet tone, reaching out and grabbing a pillow to hug. "These last few days have been so good. God, Haley…I was ready to have sex with him tonight. I was ready to take the plunge. He's _everything_, and all that's happened since the accident has only reinforced that. If I was still moping over Lucas in L.A. it wouldn't hurt this badly. This is the same thing twice over and it…" She trailed off, hoping her friend would understand.

"Honey," Haley all but cooed.

"See!" Peyton cried, clutching the pillow tighter. "I _am_ pathetic."

"No! No, that's not what I meant. You're in love. And it's hard, it's never easy…and for you and Luke that's intensified by all the crap you've been through. But you've been through it _together_."

Her voice shook. "I don't know what to do if I lose him again. I can't…"

Haley sighed on her end of the phone. Part of her felt guilty. Peyton was clearly falling apart, and Lucas probably was, too. They were two of her best friends and she wanted nothing but happiness for them. It had seemed too perfect, almost foolproof, when she'd stood there in the hallway of the hospital and gently offered Peyton another option. It was Lucas and Peyton, finally together and with all things right. All things but one small lie that had exploded into their lives that night.

She felt almost responsible, and she hated that as she listened to Peyton's shaky breaths on the other end of the line. "I'm so sorry," she said earnestly, hoping that Peyton would understand. "Neither of you deserve any of this right now."

"I just want him home. I just want him home _so bad_."

"I know," she said softly.

"I need him to be safe," Peyton said with so much emotion in her voice that Haley could practically see the tear tracks on her cheeks.

She opened her mouth, ready with a comforting reply, when the front door opened. She stepped cautiously out into the hallway, rounding the corner as she called warily, "Nathan?"

"Hey, Hales," he replied warmly, putting her at rest even as she noticed a strange note in her voice. The door came into her line of vision and she saw what the reason was.

Her smile was bittersweet as she held the phone back up to her ear. "He is safe, honey," she said soothingly. "He's here."

-x-

"Oh, Luke," Haley lamented, wearily brushing her hair out of her face. She was sitting next to him on the couch, tucked into a ball with a blanket wrapped around her. She was exhausted, but he needed her, and she'd sit up with him until he didn't. It has always been their way.

"I'm mad at her and I'm mad at me and I'm a little bit mad at the rest of you…even my _mom_ was in on this. I mean, what does that say?"

Nathan, sitting across from them and rubbing his eyes wearily, sighed as he lazily tossed the baby monitor from hand to hand. "It says that we all thought that this was for the best."

"But then what, Nathan?" he demanded, gaining energy that both Nathan and Haley were almost too tired to deal with. "Then _what_? I'd never remember – that was what you all wanted, right? And you'd talk about it behind my back every now and then."

"_No_." It was Haley who offered up the fierce reply. "Then you would finally get the chance to be _happy_. _Both_ of you. And we'd never have to talk about it again because it's how the way things are meant to be! You're not dense, Lucas. Maybe your memory's gone, but your brain isn't. You and Peyton…you're bigger than this. You're bigger than almost anything. If anything was ever written in the stars it's _you two_."

A look of realization passed over his face, and the young parents, drained by their busy days, hoped that he understood, that he'd give up all his anger and go home to his fiancée. Something had definitely shifted, but Lucas still wasn't giving in. "How is it _fate_ if it's all based on a _lie_?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"You need to get over it," Nathan groaned, losing patience and his ability to stay awake. "It was a lie told out of love. A lie told for all the right reasons. So why don't you just go back home and kiss it all away or whatever?"

"Because!" Lucas spluttered. "Because I don't even feel like I can trust her anymore. I love her. I do. But she betrayed me so easily because _she_ was hurting and _she_ couldn't deal with it."

Something in Haley, spurred by exhaustion, sympathy, and anger, along with the memory of the pain in Peyton's voice when they'd spoken earlier, snapped cleanly in two. She tossed her blanket off and sat up straight, locking eyes with her best friend. "Hell _yeah_, she was hurting," she agreed, almost viciously. "She was hurting because you did things I know that you can't remember, but they were _not cool_, Lucas. You wouldn't hear her out and you left her alone because _you_ were hurting and _you_ couldn't deal with it. And you know what? You're doing it again right now." He looked stunned, but she didn't even think about stopping. "She didn't _betray_ you, Luke. She _loves _you and she acted on it. And she didn't do it so easily or simply or selfishly. It was a really hard decision for her. She cried over it for hours _because_ she loves you so much and she didn't want to lie. And guess what, Luke? Do you want to know what the deciding factor was, what really convinced her?" Haley straightened up even more, refusing to break eye contact even though Lucas now looked completely shocked and her tired eyes were brimming with tears.

"Me," she said bluntly, a challenge in the revelation of her words. "It was _me_."


	11. Been the Inside of Out, but We Breathe

**A/N:** You guys are the best readers ever, hands down. Your interest in this story has blown me away and I love you for it. :)

**11. Been the Inside of Out, But We Breathe, We Breathe**

Lucas stared at her. This was Haley. His best friend since they were little kids, one of the most trusted people in his world.

"What do you mean?" he asked slowly.

Haley could feel a headache coming on. She really wanted to go to bed. She sat up a bit more to help keep herself alert. "Lucas, when Peyton came here after your accident, there was no thinking involved. She was running on emotion. All she knew was that the person she loves most in the world was in an accident. Even though the two of you had just broken up, she couldn't not be here. She had to do everything in her power to help you recover, she had to see for herself that you were going to be okay. Even if you were still angry with her when you woke up, even if your relationship didn't change one bit…she had to be here.

"No one would have predicted that you'd have amnesia. Peyton was there every minute you were unconscious. She stayed in the hospital with you all night, every night even though it was against the rules. I'm sure she imagined a lot of different possibilities as to what would happen when you woke up, but asking her who she was would never have been an option." Haley stifled a yawn. "She didn't know what to tell you or how to do it. Luke, you've barely skimmed the surface of how deep and complicated and, as your learning, sometimes tragic, the history of your relationship is. But no matter any of that, she wanted to try to explain the truth to you. You have to understand how much she loves you. She didn't want to lie to you."

Lucas blinked, processing all the information she'd just thrown at him. "So why…why would you…why would she…"

Haley sighed and placed her hand over his. "Because I love you _both_. Lucas, you should have seen her when she got here. She put on such a brave face but everything – the breakup, the accident – was killing her. I've seen you both go through so much. I saw a chance for happiness for both of you. And I told her to take it."

"Oh," he said faintly.

"It wasn't impulsive," Nathan added. "She thought about it and cried over it and debated it with anyone who would listen. But like Hales says…in the end it came down to the fact that she loves you."

"And Luke, it's been good, hasn't it?" Haley appealed. "You have been happy. You're in love with her."

"Well…yeah. But I can't…just…forgive her. Not in an instant. I can't go back there right now, I…"

"You're welcome here for the night, of course you are," Haley said soothingly. "And night has to start _now_, I've got a baby and a five-course load. I can't put off sleep any longer." She stood up and stretched, giving Lucas a stern look as Nathan got to his feet as well. "I love you, Luke. But you _better_ call her before you go to sleep, do you understand me?"

Nathan raised his eyebrows as his wife stormed off to bed. "Goodnight, bro."

"G'night…" Lucas echoed absently.

-x-

Peyton snatched the phone up before a single ring was completely, gripping it desperately. "Hello?!"

"Hey."

She slouched back against the pillows at the sound of his voice. "Hey," she whispered in reply.

"I'm at Nathan and Haley's." It seemed as good a way as any to begin.

"Yeah, she…she told me." She bit her lower lip nervously. "Lucas…I'm so sorry," He didn't say anything, and she hurried on, "It was just so complicated. I _never_ wanted to hurt you." He still didn't respond, and her sobs bubbled up to the surface. "Will you…will you let me…explain?"

Lucas sighed heavily. "Don't cry."

She sucked some air in. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize."

"Sorry." She realized her mistake and laughed weakly. It might have been wishful thinking, but she thought she heard a similar sound on his end of the line. Her heart ached. "Luke, maybe…maybe I don't have a right to say this, but…I miss you."

"You have a right," he told her quietly, and she let out the breath she'd been holding. "I, um…I'm going to be staying here all night. Haley said some things and…I've got a lot to think about."

She was dying to know what Haley had said, but she held her tongue. She didn't want to annoy him, and she knew she could trust Haley. "Okay, yeah." She ran her thumb lightly, back and forth, over the band of her engagement ring."

"So…I guess that's it."

Peyton didn't want him to hang up and leave her all alone again. She sighed sadly. "I'm glad you called," she informed him honestly.

Lucas paused. "I only called because Haley told me to, and she can be scary when she's tired."

Her heart sank.

He sighed in the same sad way that she had before adding, "But I'm glad I called, too."

She squeezed her eyes shut, holding the phone to her ear long after he hung up.

-x-

"How is my beautiful baby boy this morning?" Haley cooed as she carried Jamie into the kitchen the next day. Lucas was already there, drinking coffee from a huge mug; he hadn't been able to get much sleep.

The phone rang and Haley glanced back down at her son. "Hey, did you say hi to your Uncle Lucas? Go sit with your godfather while mama sees who that is." She held out her child, carefully, setting him in Lucas' arms before grabbing the phone. "Hello?"

Lucas smiled down at James while Haley rolled her eyes, dutifully replying, "Hey, Brooke. Yeah…yeah…yes, he's here right now. No. Don't worry so much. _No_. Do amazing things out there, okay? We miss you like crazy, but you have to work. Brooke, oh my god!" She laughed, rolling her eyes again. "Yeah, yeah. He's good, too. He misses his godmother. I will. I promise. Love you, too. Bye."

He didn't even want to know how much of that short conversation had been related to him. "Hey, Hales?" he asked casually. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

She frowned. "Excuse me?"

"Your son looks an awful lot like his uncle."

Her expression brightened even as she grimaced. "Oh, gross! I am so sick of that joke." She shuddered. "No offense, Luke, but really…_ew_." She shook her head to get rid of the thought and leaned toward him. "So…how are you? Did you call her last night?"

He nodded. "Sir, yes, sir."

She batted playfully at his arm. "Sorry if I got a little protective. It's just how I am, you know that."

Lucas smiled warmly. "I do." He appreciated it even when it was annoying.

Haley steered the conversation back on track while Jamie chewed absently on the sleeve of Lucas' sweatshirt. "So you called her…_and_?"

"And…it could have been worse. I didn't tell her I was coming home today but…I feel like I should. At least to talk for a while."

"_Good_. I'm glad, Luke."

"I miss her," he admitted. After a night of thought, it was the only real conclusion he'd managed to draw. "I'm mad, but I still miss her."

Haley smiled softly. "Of course you do. Lucas…is there honestly a single realistic vision of your future in your head that projects any sort of permanent separation between you two?"

He scowled. "That's not a fair question. I've lost a lot of memory, even if I'm starting to gain it back. And in…in my adult life, my life now…the only way I can picture things is with her there, with me…always."

She smirked as she poured herself a glass of juice. "So, in other words…_no_."

-x-

Peyton woke up to find only chilly sheets on the other side of the bed and nothing but quiet throughout the small house.

Lonely and worried, she'd spent a couple hours staring blankly at the TV the previous night, letting late-night comedy shows fill the unbearable silence and the perfectly timed laughter of the audience lull her into a dreamless slumber.

She awoke again before the break of dawn, still restless. She sent a reply to her father's e-mail, which was full of questions about Lucas' health and Peyton's emotional well-being. She cried in front of her computer before pulling herself together and typing three upbeat paragraphs of lies that exuded hope and happiness.

By the time she woke up in her bed, it was past nine a.m. and she didn't see any reason to get up. Her cell phone was beeping periodically on the nightstand, but she soon saw that all the text messages away her attention were from Brooke. She typed a quick reply, tossed the phone aside, and pulled the covers back over her head. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes until things were back to how they had been.

Just a couple days ago, she'd woken up to the feeling of his lips pressing repeatedly against her neck. She'd kissed him in a way that was meant to be chaste, but turned into a deeper kind of desperation. He'd pulled back, running his hands over her shoulders and arms soothingly as he asked her what was wrong. Nothing was; all she'd said was _You're mine_, a breathless sort of realization, reversing their usual positions. For once, she was the one marveling at thing. He'd joked back that _she_ was _his_, and weren't they lucky. They'd both noticed the potential double entendre in his final word, and it was an hour and a half before she scrambled out of bed to make breakfast, not yet ready for things to go all the way. Lucas had reached for her hand, smiling sweetly to assure her that he hadn't meant to push anything, and spoken his words like a promise, _I love you, you know that?_

Lying alone in bed she lost herself the bittersweet blissfulness of the memory. What if she'd destroyed everything, and unlike Lucas, who had lost his recollections, memories were all she was left with?

The door that connected the bedroom to the outer world opened, snapping her out of her melancholy thoughts. She frowned, tensing up as she peeked out from under the cocoon she'd created for herself.

She sat up in a rush, her arms getting tangled in the sheets. "Luke!" she cried softly. "You're…you're…"

He closed the door behind himself and finished for her: "I'm home."

Those words were music to her ears, but she didn't have much to say in reply. It seemed obvious and redundant to tell him that she was glad he was there or that she'd missed him.

"Hi," she'd whispered, yanking her arms free of the massively tangled sheets.

He shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other. "Hi."

Peyton stumbled over her words. "Do you want to, um…sit?" It sounded stupid the moment she glanced down at the bed. She was inviting him into something much too intimate. She flung off the blankets and stood up. "Or…hey. Let me make you breakfast."

Lucas followed her toward the kitchen and watched wordlessly as she dug through the cupboards, drawers, and the refrigerator. She could hardly remember how to make French toast under the pressure of his gaze. She bustled around, her head spinning, for nearly a quarter of an hour before he gently said, "Peyton."

She almost dropped an egg as he walked over to her. "Luke, I…I can't even tell you how sorry I am."

"Peyt."

"I wasn't trying to be selfish. I know that's how it looks, I know that's how you see it. That's fair, but it's not _true_. Can you understand what a hard decision it was to make? I thought I'd wrecked everything, and as much as it broke my heart when I found out that you'd lost your memory….it was a second chance for _us_."

He reached out and took her trembling hand in his. Her eyes flew up to meet his blue orbs.

Her voice was shaking. "I understand, okay? If you want to end things. I hate that, but I…I understand. You've got a lot to deal with right now without someone pretending to be your fiancée." Her throat felt as though it might close over. "I get it, if you hate me."

Lucas sighed. "I don't," he said tenderly, "I don't. Haley told me a lot of things, about all that you went through, how difficult it was. She said that you would have stayed there and tried to help me heal and watched over me whether of not things changed after I woke up and I…I believe that."

She stopped breathing. "You do?"

He squeezed her hand lightly. "I do. I wish…you hadn't lied to me. You probably would have told me the same things Haley did, and I probably should have believed you but…I had just gotten to know you, and I thought that you weren't really…who you'd said you were. But you are. I know that now. _You are_."

It didn't seem right to accept his forgiveness quite that easily, it felt as though she was setting herself up for more heartache and disappointment in the future. She shook her head. "I never should have said no in the first place! I love you, I…" She would have taken the ring off, no matter how badly it pained her, but his hand holding his was keeping it firmly in place.

He gave her a moment to calm down before releasing her hand lightly, his fingers traced slowly up her arm. "You didn't," he reminded her with a private smile. He'd analyzed the hazy memory a million times; he now knew it by heart. "You didn't say _no_, you said _someday_. And I want that. Someday, someday _soon_, I want to make you my wife." His hand drifted up further still, lightly cupping her neck. "As long as you still want it, too."

She tried to pull away from him. She couldn't hurt any more, she needed all things clarified. "But you blame me," she choked out. "For the accident, for giving up on us…you blame me."

His thumb stroked her cheek with infinite gentleness. He wouldn't let her move even thought she resisted his touch. "I barely slept last night. I was thinking, I was trying to remember. I couldn't stop thinking about how many reasons I had to be mad at you, but they kept fading away, like all the holes in my past that I still haven't been able to fill in. And all I could think was about these past few days, and how perfect you are for me, and how much I've always wanted this…how much I missed you." She shook her head again, but his hand on her cheek captured her attention, forcing her to meet his eyes. "I don't blame you. I _can't_, I love you too much. It's not your fault. It isn't."

Her lips parted, releasing a sound somewhere between a sob and a sigh. Breakfast, half-made, sat abandoned on the counter behind them.

The pressure of his hand on her neck pulled her closer until her forehead was resting against his. She gave in, letting him support her, trying to provide him some comfort as well as she clung to him.

"Okay?" he asked sweetly, and she exhaled, her breath mixing with his and the small space between their mouths. She closed her eyes and nodded against his forehead, relishing the feeling of being with him again, fitting together with her other half.

"Okay," she breathed.


End file.
